When It All Comes Crashing Down

But this morning I want to conclude a series of messages that we began back in July, which I entitled, A Marriage Made in Heaven. And that was not designed to be a cute clever name. It was really designed to accurately reflect what this series was all about. If indeed we follow the principles and the commands of the God of Heaven, who has revealed them in his word for all of life, including our marriages, then certainly, we have a marriage that is made that originated from heaven. The difficulty is we live that out here on earth. And sometimes marriages that began being made in heaven unravel here on earth. This series basically has dealt with how to have a good marriage, but sometimes that ideal is shattered. Sometimes divorce invades a couple that had never intended on that when they stood at the author and committed their lives to each other with sacred vows. So what do you do when it all comes crashing down? What do you do when reality rifts apart your relationship and divorce puts an end to a dream? What do you do when all you've lived for built suddenly lie shattered at your feet? How do you respond? What do you do? That's what I want to deal with this morning. And I recognize that divorce is a very volatile topic. There's much disagreement on the subject even about what the Bible teaches, on the subject of divorce and remarriage. I can remember in early years of my pastored in 1978, there was a meeting of well-known Bible scholars in Christian universities and seminaries and Bible colleges across the land in Chicago. It was called the Council on Biblical Inherency. And they decided to come together to address what was a hot topic in the late 70s. And that was whether or not the Bible was truly trustworthy and free from all error. And they came up with a great statement and agreed as these multitude of scholars from many different backgrounds agreed on a great statement of inherency. Four years later, 1982, they came together again in Chicago for another council on Biblical hermeneutics, how to interpret the Bible. And amazingly enough, they came up with a very clear statement they could all agree on about how the Bible should be interpreted. Four years later, 1986, they came together again for a third international conference on Biblical in herency. And this one was addressing Biblical application and how to apply with the Bible teaches to various social issues. I still have the statement in my files that they came up with in 1986. And it's a great statement applying the Bible to a lot of different social issues. The one issue, however, they had difficulty coming to a consensus on was divorce and remarriage. All of these wonderful Biblical scholars in the Old Testament, New Testament theology had trouble coming to an agreement on what the Bible taught. And so they came up with basically a very generic statement on divorce and remarriage. I recognize this is a volatile topic. I recognize there's much misunderstanding about the subject of divorce. I recognize there is the potential this morning for old wounds to be reopened. And I want you to know right from the get-go it is not my intent to heap guilt or embarrassment on anyone for what has happened in your past. Here's how I want to approach this topic this morning. This will not be a typical exposition of a passage of scripture. Although that is valid even on this topic and I have done that before. I many years ago I actually taught a series on Sunday nights on divorce and remarriage seven messages that covered all of the Biblical passages on divorce and remarriage. And so that's valid but I'm not going to do that this morning. Aren't you glad I'm not doing a seven part series this morning. My purpose this morning is not to evaluate the arguments for legitimate reasons for divorce and remarriage. That's not my purpose this morning. And certainly it is not my intent to heap condemnation on anyone who's been divorced. Here's my purpose this morning. I want us to see this morning how to deal with divorce as individuals, as real people who deal with with dysfunction and sin and the results of a fallen world. Probably every one of us in this room is touched by this topic either personally or in our families. And so we all have to deal with this as individuals and some of you deal with it very upfront and personal you've been through a divorce and you know the ache and the heart ache and I want us to see this morning how do we deal with that and then also I want us to reaffirm how we deal with this as a church. I'm not here to teach anything new about what we as a church believe or should do. This church is always practiced grace and been a place where people found grace and forgiveness and I want to reaffirm that this morning. So here's the question here's what I want to address today how are we to respond to the issue of divorce and to the people who have been through a divorce. How we respond to the issue and how do we respond to the people that are touched and whose lives are shattered because of divorce. It is a topic that you cannot escape. We cannot just ignore it. Wish it would go away. It is so common in 1921 out of every seven marriages ended in divorce. In 1940 it was one out of every six. In 1960 it was one out of every four. In the 1990s the figure one out of every two began to be thrown around but without much clear substantiation and so the best I can come up with from 2013 is this 41% of all first marriages will end in divorce. 60% of second marriages. 73% of third marriages. Now I don't use those figures to automatically pigeonhole or put anyone in a category or to make you feel that your fate is sealed if you fall into one of those groupings. That's not my point. My point is just to re-emphasize how common this subject touches all of us. And my goal this morning basically really is to see how we should face it individually and as a church. So in doing that we must begin with what truth demands. What does the truth of God's word demand of us when we think through this topic when it all comes crashing down? Obviously as a church, as a pastor where we need to begin is with the biblical teaching on divorce. Now again I want to emphasize I've done that much more extensively in other settings and I'm not going to do that this morning. I'm not going to defend, explain to any great degree. I'm just going to give you my understanding of what the Bible teaches. Some of you here this morning will disagree with it. I'm sorry that you're wrong. There's room for disagreement on this topic because it is a difficult one to deal with and all of the various things that can happen with relationships are difficult sometimes to to bring back into what the Bible teaches. But I want to give you my understanding without trying to defend it or explain it in any depth. Here's where we begin and I want you to please open your Bible to Matthew 19 because in Matthew 19 Jesus addresses this topic and this is the passage I will depend upon the most. Matthew 19. Here's where we need to begin with the biblical teaching on divorce. It is with God's design and intention. God's design and intention was one man and one woman together for life. That was God's design. That was God's intention in the beginning. One woman, one man together for life. And Jesus reaffirms that original intention in Matthew 19. Now here's the setting. Here's what happens in verse 3. Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They ask, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason? Now that question may not hit us like it would have the audience standing there around Jesus because we don't live in that culture. We don't understand where the Pharisees were coming from. The Pharisees were addressing and asking Jesus a question about a very current topic. One that was highly debated in their culture. And there were two schools of thought that were very common in Israel at this time. Each of them led by a prominent rabbi or religious teacher in Israel. One of them was led by the rabbi Shemaah who basically taught a very narrow view of divorce and remarriage that divorce should not be allowed and that divorce was sin and remarriage was adultery. I probably do not have to tell you that even in Jesus' day that was not the common view. The common view was the other view led by Rabbi Hillel who basically said, you can divorce your wife for any reason and the reason why it's spraged in terms of a man divorcing his wife is because in that culture the man basically made those decisions. And so that's the reason why the question is phrased that way. Is it right for a man to divorce his wife for any reason? That was the common most popular view of the day. If you burned your husband's food he could divorce you. The guy's wife let's smirk off your face. That was the common popular view of the day that you could divorce your wife for any and every reason it did not matter. And Jesus rather than taking one side or the other rather than directly answering their question goes beyond Rabbi Hillel, beyond Rabbi Shemaah all the way to God himself and the beginning and God's intent. Look at the way Jesus responds in verse four. Haven't you read he replied? Boy that would have been like a dagger to the heart of the Pharisees. These religious scholars, these Old Testament teachers. Haven't you ever read the Old Testament? Oh Jesus haven't you read he replied that at the beginning the creator made them male and female and said for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together let no one separate. It is clear that Jesus goes all the way back to the beginning Genesis to the creation of marriage in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve and the one woman one man relationship together for life let no one separate them. That's God's original intent. Anytime you begin talking about this topic that's where we have to start is God's original intent one man one woman together for life. Secondly the Bible does teach that divorce is sin and remarriage is adultery. The Bible does teach that. It's not all the Bible teaches so don't tune me out if you think I'm headed in a very narrow direction. Don't tune me out yet because you'll see the full scope of what the Bible teaches. But in general God giving his view of the marriage relationship says that divorce is a sin and remarriage is adultery. There are at least four passages that talk about that. We're going to put one on the screen in this very same instance Mark records Jesus answer this way. Matthew gives a little more detail that will come back to in a moment. He answered anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her and if she divorces her husband and marries another man she commits adultery. That statement is repeated pretty much in Luke 1618 also in Romans 7 and 1 Corinthians 7. It's a general foundational principle that describes basically God's view of the sanctity of marriage. And so he wants it to be known. His intent is that one woman, one man be together for life. Divorce is sin adultery remarriage. That's the general statement. Now please don't stop there. People who do stop there use this information as a club to bully people who've been through divorce. And that is not acceptable if you're going to do full justice to all of the biblical information because there's more to what the Bible says. So original intent, one man, one woman together for life, God hates divorce. Malachi 2, it's a sin of remarriage as adultery. Yes, those are the basic principles but there are two cases at least specifically mentioned in the Bible where divorce and I believe remarriage is allowed. The first one is from our Lord's own mouth here in Matthew 19. We pick it up in verse 7. Why then they ask, the Pharisees come back with another question. Why then they ask did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away? They're referring to a passage in Deuteronomy 24 which we're not going to deal with this morning but it was a passage where Moses by the way did not command anything. He's describing a situation and giving God's view of it and allowance for how to deal with it when it happens. Jesus recognizes that in his response in verse 8. Jesus replied, God, or Moses, permitted you. Jesus has it right. The Pharisees had it wrong. Moses was not commanding anything in Deuteronomy 24 but he was permitting. He was making allowance for you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard but it was not this way from the beginning. It was not God's original intent in other words. Verse 9, I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another woman commits adultery. Now there is even difference of opinion on how that exception clause except for sexual immorality should be applied. Does it apply to the whole verse including divorce and remarriage or does it apply just to remarriage? I believe it applies to both and I believe it is God giving a sanction and allowance of permission for divorce in the case of sexual immorality. I believe there is a second allowance or exception to the general rule of God that divorce is sin and remarriage is adultery and that second exception is found in 2 Corinthians chapter 7. We're not going to turn there but I do have one verse on the screen which describes this 1 Corinthians 7 verse 15 but if the unbeliever leaves and he's talking about a believer and unbeliever in an unequal yoke and what a believer should do. Believer should try to keep the marriage together but he says if an unbeliever leaves let it be so the brother or the sister in other words the believer is not bound in such circumstances. God has called us to live in peace. When Paul says that if an unbeliever deserts the marriage the believer is not bound under under those circumstances. He uses the same word that he uses in Romans 7 of the marriage bond, same context, same use of the word the idea is the marriage bond. He uses it consistently both ways, both times and so what he's saying is you're no longer bound in the marriage union if you're mate deserves if they leave particularly in this case an unbeliever. So I believe the Bible gives two allowances for divorce and remarriage one in the case of immorality the other in the case of desertion on the part of your mate. Now I recognize some will differ with that some of you will want to debate me at the door that's okay no debates today we don't have time for that but that's where I stand however that's not everything I believe the Bible teaches I believe the Bible goes a little further than that. Jesus himself went a little further than that in Matthew chapter 19 let's pick it up verse 10 the disciples said to him if this is the situation between a husband and wife it is better not to marry you see Jesus basically if he's going to take one of the two sides he took the more narrow side of divorce for what was common in his day that there was only one exception Paul would give another one but here Jesus mentions only one that is adultery so if that's the only legitimate exception you can't divorce your wife if she burns your dinner no if that's the case the disciples who have been well schooled in the idea that you can divorce for any reason say well it'd be better not to give you and get married right notice Jesus response Jesus replied not everyone can accept this word and I believe it refers to the disciple statement better not to marry not everyone can accept this word but only those to whom it has been given Jesus speaks as the ability to accept this word not to marry as a gift from God it's the same idea Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 7 when he talks about the gift of salibacy or the gift to remain single without undue pressure of temptation that is a gift from God not everybody can handle that and thus not everybody should stay unmarried I believe that's Jesus' point so it goes on to say there are uniques who were born that way there are uniques who have been made that made uniques by others and there are those who choose to live like uniques for the sake of the kingdom of heaven whereas they choose to remain single for the sake of unhindered ministry maybe in context of danger where a family would be difficult to sustain notice Jesus ends with this the one who can accept this should accept it I believe what Jesus is saying is you better be careful before you tell people they can't remarry the ability to stay single without undue temptation for sexual immorality is a gift that not everybody can accept and only those to whom it has been given should do that others should marry for that reason taking all of this biblical information that's the reason why I have maintained the policy on divorce and remarriage that I have through the years that I will marry people who have been divorced after counseling after finding out what all the circumstances are obviously but my view of what the Bible teaches and what truth demands is is also supported by something else it's not just the biblical teaching on divorce it's that we must understand the reality of a fallen world you see we live in a fallen world sin ruins the ideal the ideal is clear in scripture the standard is clear in the Bible one man one woman together for life divorces and remarriages adultery there are some exceptions to that and we should be careful not to label people and make sure or say they cannot be remarried I think that's the the biblical position but we must also in support of that realize that we live in a fallen world the biblical principles are there but not everybody follows them not even Christians all the time so relationships are complicated by sin and disobedience that come into a relationship sometimes marriages are broken by those very issues I believe because of that because we live in a fallen world God makes concession to our weakness to our fallenness to our sin and make some allowances to us in his grace that's exactly what Jesus says in verse 8 as he goes back to what Moses did in in Deuteronomy 24 Jesus said Moses permitted you to divorce your wife he was not commanding that anybody had to do that but he was making allowance for it he God was making a concession for people's fallen this why did Moses permit this or allow this because your hearts were hard because of the entrance of sin and disobedience into people's lives but he reminds them that was not God's original intent was not this way from the beginning we need to understand folks that we live in a fallen world and thus God makes some concessions to our weakness in fallenness that's the reason Moses permitted divorce in the Old Testament I think it's the reason why there's some allowance made today as well let me give you an example that I hope will help make this clear the Bible talks about this very kind of tension between the ideal and the reality in a fallen world in regard to sin as a whole did you know the Bible teaches that we should not sin at all it does that's the ideal that's what we're supposed to live for first John chapter 2 and I'm just going to read a few verses there John says my dear children I write this to you so that you will not sin now he has already said you're going to sin and don't claim that you don't in chapter 1 verse 8 he has said if we claim to be without sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us in verse 10 he has said if we claim we have not sinned we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us so nobody can say I'm not sinned or I don't have a sin nature we all are fallen but John says I'm writing this to you so that you live up to the ideal you strive for the ideal which is that you do not sin but his very next statement recognizes the reality of living in a fallen world but if anyone does sin you're not supposed to sin but if anyone does and I've already told you that nobody is sinless if anybody does sin we have an advocate with the father Jesus Christ the righteous he is the atoning sacrifice for our sins and not only for ours also but also for the sins of the whole world what he's saying is this here's the ideal the ideal is to be sinless the ideal is to live without sin but nobody is going to do that this side of heaven that's the reality and because of that reality I'm writing these things to you so that you strive to live up to the ideal don't sin but if you do which I've already told you you will at some point you have an advocate with the father I make concession I make allowance I will meet you in grace and mercy with the advocate Jesus Christ who will plead your case before the father and will plead the case that you are one of his bloodbought children and no condemnation belongs to you I don't know about you but I'm thankful for that allowance I'm thankful for that divine concession to me and my fallenness and weakness where God says I don't want you to sin but the reality is you are a sinner you will at some point it's not an excuse it's not a motivation to sin but it's just a hard reality of living in a fallen world but I've made concession I've made allowance for that and I will meet you in my grace Jesus himself will be your defense law your advocate before the father and defend you before him if that's true for sin in general certainly it's true for what we've said about divorce God's only intention for marriage is that husband and wife live together for life no divorce just like his intention for all of us is no sin but living in a fallen world stuff's going to happen sin is going to happen relationships are going to be destroyed divorces are going to happen it's not it's not an easy out it's not an escape clause it's not a motivation to say well well you know we just all center so I'm just going to get divorced it's not it's not that it's a recognition that in a fallen world it will happen sometimes and God makes concession for that in what we've just talked about by way of remarriage Deuteronomy 24 deals with that first Corinthians 7 deals with that so that's what truth demands I believe truth demands a balance a balance between God's ideal what we should all live for and strive for a balance between that and the reality of living in a sinful world and when divorce happens okay then what do we do how do we pick up and go on how do we receive God's grace and forgiveness and move on with our lives that's what truth demands but there's more to what I believe the bible teaches and implies and we as a church should live up to and what you as individuals who've been touched by the voice should strive for we need to understand what grace demands as well we see what the truth demands but what does grace demand I believe that grace demands understanding and compassion not condemnation too often in the church people who've been through divorce are treated as second-class Christians they can never measure up anymore they are they're they're for the rest of their lives pigeon-hold and placed in a certain category that is lower than the rest now I am happy to say that has never been the case here at Johnson Chapel I'm not speaking just of my ministry here but preacher Jimmy's as well for those of you who do not know that wonderful man preacher Jimmy was our founding pastor and our pastor for 37 years here at this church and I know his position on divorce and remarriage I remember shortly after I came I went to visit someone at University of Virginia hospital in Charlottesville and preacher Jimmy went along wanted to write along with me and we did that sometimes in in those days just to have times for fellowship and talking about ministry and and I remember on that particular trip it stands out to me because we talked just about the whole way back and forth about this issue of divorce and remarriage Jimmy was one who practiced that wonderful balance of truth and grace this church has never been one to shun people has never been one to exclude anyone who's been through a divorce and I am grateful for that but too often people shy away from those who are divorced treat them like outcasts put them in a special category that they're in a a send they'll never recover from that's just not it's not right I'm here to say today and reaffirm the position of our church that grace demands understanding and compassion not condemnation condemnation being put in a category of an outcast is not what you need if you've been through a divorce you've suffered enough hurt and pain you've suffered enough already my heart goes out to people who have been through this it has touched my family as well my family extended family is not immune to this either I have relatives some close who have suffered divorce and I know the hurt and the pain that it brings you don't need more of that what you need is tender help what you need is someone to stand beside you and encourage you what you need is someone to recognize that you love Christ and you want to grow in him just like anyone else does what you need is someone who will understand that you may feel a tremendous sense of guilt already you don't need more guilt heaped on you you may feel like a failure whether or not you were the one who actually failed in the marriage you may feel like a failure and that can be complicated by the incredible stress of trying to rear children alone and trying to work to provide for a home now and trying to help children understand what it means now to navigate two households a mommy and daddy who no longer live together there's enough hurt and pain and stress there you don't need the church to add to that and so grace demands a measure of yes understanding the biblical truth but the balance the reality of living in a fallen world causes us to respond with understanding and compassion and not more condemnation Jesus gave us the perfect example of this in the story of the woman taken in adultery John chapter 8 the Pharisees bring him a woman to test him again to try to get him to respond in a way that will be unpopular with at least a segment of his hearing audience and so they bring this woman caught an adultery which raises some questions to start with doesn't it how did that happen and where was the man if she was caught an adultery she wasn't by herself so where's the guy and so they bring this woman to Christ and they say Moses said in the law that she should be stunned you know what they were right they didn't quite go far enough though because Moses the law demanded that both the man and the woman be stunned so Jesus realizes obviously he's dealing with a case where he's just being set up and so he starts to write on the ground much ink has been spilled over what he wrote on the ground and it's best just to do what the Bible Bible has done the Bible didn't tell us so we don't know but he wrote on the ground and then he said this he said let him who is without sin cast the first stone you want a stoner you're well within the law of Moses to do that let the one who is without sin cast the first stone he went back to writing one by one the Pharisees sculpt away Jesus looks up and says where are those who condemned you where are your accusers and then he said to her neither do I condemn you go and sin no more he recognized she'd sined he wants her to live a new life but he will not condemn her he exercises grace what the law of Moses required demanded Jesus responded with grace grace is giving us what we don't deserve and I believe grace demands that we give understanding and compassion not condemnation to people who've been through divorce secondly grace demands that we give forgiveness and restoration I want to communicate this morning and we need to communicate this as a church that we can be forgiven for whatever we have done you my friend can be forgiven for whatever you did that contributed to a divorce maybe you're the one that initiated the divorce maybe you did something to contribute to it whatever the case may be if you come to the Lord in genuine repentance and confession you can be restored and you can be forgiven you are not in a different class than others somehow in many parts of the church in the church as a whole across the board it seems that divorce has become the unpardonable sin and once you're guilty of that you can never be restored you can be restored from anything else but you can't be restored from that and so you're constantly a second-class Christian I've heard it said before would have been better if I had just murdered my mate at least I could have been forgiven for that sad but sometimes true I remind you of Peter Peter was forgiven by the Lord and restored now Peter did not go through a divorce at least as far as we know that's not the issue in Peter's life but Peter did deny the Lord and recognized it and repented and wept bitterly over it and it was restored a few days later Jesus is talking with him at the first men's fellowship breakfast by the sea of Galilee Jesus is cooked breakfast for the guys and they're meeting there and Jesus calls Peter often says do you love me three times he asks that to match the three times Peter denied him Peter's a little hesitant to proclaim his love in glowing terms to the Lord but the Lord anyway says feed my lambs feed my sheep I want you restored Peter I've still got ministry for you still got work for you to do and within six weeks of having denied Christ Peter is standing on the day of pinnacost preaching with the power of the spirit a message where three thousand people got saved if he was a member of most of our churches he never would have been allowed to preach that sermon I believe that grace demands forgiveness and restoration can a person who's been through a divorce be restored to usefulness I believe so you say John what about first Timothy 3 husband of one wife the most literal way to look at that as far as the actual Greek term is is one woman man it's just like all the other characteristics it is a moral qualification there's no other characteristic in that list if you violate one time you're disallowed from the pastorate or from the deacon seems like that's the only one that we treat that way it means you're a one woman man it means you're faithfully devoted to your wife there are some men in ministry or deacons in other places other than this church I will assure you who may have never been divorced but who are not qualified to serve because they've been unfaithful it's talking about unfaithfulness it's talking about devotion to your wife it's not talking about a guy who may have been divorced early in his life maybe even before he got saved and now he's saved wanting to serve the Lord but we put him on a shelf and say you can't serve we have had in this church before men who served as deacons who were divorced and that's the reason why we've allowed that it's our understanding of first Timothy 3 we believe the church should practice forgiveness and restoration now having said that let me let me follow up a little bit here I recognize that there are some sins that carry consequences that make it unwise for a person to continue in ministry since it's been in the papers a lot here recently anyone guilty of sexual molestation or who is a sexual predator I believe should not be in ministry any longer especially ministering to children young people there are certain consequences of sin that forbid someone remaining in a certain vocation or a certain position of ministry I fully understand that and support that what I'm talking about is forgiveness on the part of God and on the part of other believers forgiveness and restoration grace also demands practical help if we really believe in forgiveness if we really believe in restoration it means we need to reach out to people who've been through divorce offer friendship offer help in caring for young children if a mother is raising her children alone to give encouraging words to help financially to become an adopted family to help with car maintenance or with household repairs or whatever it may be whatever is needed practical help is demanded by grace but I want to quickly move to what restoration demands I think we understand at least I believe we do what truth demands I hope we understand what grace demands and I believe we do here at Johnston Chapel but what does restoration demand I want to speak here to the divorced person who needs to be restored emotionally spiritually what do you do if you've been through a divorce where do you start to get healing first of all the very first place to start is admit any sin okay you remember the the clear basic biblical direct God hates divorce and it is a sin it's a violation of his original intent and so whatever you may have done to contribute to the divorce you need to be honest about that and you need to confess it and ask God's forgiveness but I move quickly to the second thing that restoration demands and that is accept God's forgiveness when you have dealt honestly and sincerely with that sin and confession it is like any other sin it can be forgiven by God you are not now living in a state of perpetual sin do we do that with any other sin no so there is no such thing as living in a perpetual state of adultery if you've been remarried that I believe is a violation of Deuteronomy 24 Moses was saying in Deuteronomy 24 you find yourself in this mess caused by sin don't make it worse by trying to undo it start from now on to live for Christ accept his forgiveness and move on with your life I think that's what restoration demands that we accept God's forgiveness God does forgive God does receive accept his forgiveness and move on with your life you don't need to live with a lifetime of apologies go on and live for Christ and that leads me to the third one seek help to recover some of you have been through divorce have not fully recovered and you've not dealt with issues even the grief of a broken home maybe you've not dealt adequately with the guilt that you feel or the bitterness or the anger that you feel you may need help to do that or you may even need help to to deal with the very real financial stresses that are caused by the divorce we have a wonderful ministry that is specifically geared to help people recover to help people be healed it's called divorce care and it will start up again in February mid-February I believe I'll never forget when we first started that it was the early 90s and some of you will remember at that time we did what we called successful living workshops in the summer we started in addition to about the only thing we had going in the summer at that time was the auditorium Bible study we started having some special classes that focused on special topics that we felt would be of interest to the community and the very first one we ever did was on divorce recovery we got the divorce care material decided it would be a 13 week class and we figured that would be it we'd run it the 13 weeks and that would be it when we got to the end there were people saying hey man we got friends that need this we got family members that need to hear this we want to hear this again we need to process it more and so we offered it a second time and it's been going for about 20 years the church needs to help people recover and you may need help in recovering if you've never dealt with some of those issues get into the divorce care ministry and it will help you recover then forth later here's what you do you live faithfully for the Lord you make the best of the life you have right now again that's what Moses said that's what Jesus talked about don't try to go back and fix everything that's happened that you can't unscramble the egg find yourself in a position where you've been divorced maybe you're remarried maybe it's happened a couple or three times what do you do you throw in the town say I'm done with life no no you start right now with a new beginning and you say I will from this day forward be committed to my mate and I will live for Jesus Christ faithfully that's the way I will live my life I believe that's what restoration demands maybe I can describe my view of this whole subject and what I'm trying to communicate this morning with an example it's one that I witnessed not here but in another church a lady in our church named Lin I'll call her that had married to someone who was a new believer at least he professed faith in Christ he had a history of drug abuse and not long after they married that began again and he became abusive and very violent and a divorce happened Lin was in a Sunday school class one day where the subject of divorce and remarriage came up she had come in a little late because she'd had difficulty getting her toddler ready for church that morning and had dropped him off the nursery running a little late she came in and kind of quietly slid into the back row that Sunday school class the subject of divorce and remarriage was being discussed and one lady in the class stood up to declare her absolute opposition to divorce in no uncertain terms God hates divorce she says the Bible says it is a sin and people are just being divorced at the drop of a hat today even in the church and she went on and on and she turned to get a little wider scope of the people she was trying to address her comments to and her eyes met Lin and all of a sudden the harsh tone vaulted and her eyes began to well up with tears it was an awkward moment people were staring what was going to happen next this lady left where she was standing and went over and took Lin in her arms and said oh honey I hope you don't think I was talking about you and Lin said I understand and I appreciate it but you know what you're right God does hate divorce and so do I it's the worst thing it's ever happened to me and I wish it had never happened God hates it and I hate it too as sin but I know that we live in a fallen world that sometimes destroys relationships sin gets in people's hearts and lies and that's what happened to me and I know that I can love people who have been through that divorce that is I believe what truth demands that is I believe what grace demands and that is I believe what restoration demands that is I believe what Jesus demands of us let's pray together Father we recognize this is a topic of great concern for many people's lives it is a topic of great disagreement and confusion I pray Father that you would help us to do our best to understand what your truth demands to keep that balance as best we can between your original intent for marriage and the reality of living in a fallen world help us to respond like you did to people who've sinned with grace with forgiveness with understanding of compassion I help us Lord to reach out to help people who've been hurt enough already to help lift them up and help them get back on their feet help them to understand what your plan is for them from now on and to live that out how the power of the Holy Spirit help us Lord to do that and I pray Lord for anyone here this morning who's hurt who's devastated who's broken because their home has been shattered I pray Father that you will extend to them your grace and may we extend to them grace I pray that they will sense that feel that be restored I pray Father that they would live their lives from this moment on for your glory and wherever people are whether they're in a second marriage or a third or whatever Lord I pray that they would recognize that the main thing to do is from this day forward live with commitment to their mate or the rest of their lives to pick up the broken pieces accept your forgiveness and move on may this be a year of new beginnings for them we pray in Jesus name amen