Consulting The Blueprint

an irate customer sent an email back to the offices of a do-it-yourself company dear sir I built a birdhouse according to your crazy plans not only is it too big but it keeps blowing out of the tree signed unhappy a couple weeks later he received a reply from the president of the company dear unhappy please accept our apologies we accidentally sent you a blueprint for a sailboat it may not be much consolation but if you think you're unhappy you should read the letter from the man who finished last in the yacht club regatta in a leaky birdhouse you got to have the right blueprints right if you're going to build something you got to have the right plan the right blueprint when we did our recent building project here within the last couple of years I was absolutely amazed at the the number of blueprints that had been drawn up for that project not being in the construction trade I was kind of blown away and that a lot of you people are familiar with that but I really wasn't it was just amazing the detailed page after page after page of blueprints covering every seemingly major and minor facet of that project those blueprints were carefully drawn up and done to guide the construction workers through that project the project superintendent had a copy of those here on the site and he made sure that the project followed what was designed occasionally I would pass by the area where the workers were working and you might see an open set of blueprints right with them and they could tell exactly what they were supposed to be doing and exactly how something ought to be done it was quite amazing it might interest you to know that when it comes to the subject of marriage and we began a series last week on marriage for those of you who may not have been here when it comes to the subject of marriage there is an original set of blueprints drawn up by God himself he has given us a master set of plans and it is important that we consult the blueprint if we're going to be successful in building a home and building a marriage there is no more important building project than building a home I'm talking about a family not not just a structure and there is no more difficult and challenging task in the building of that home than the building of the marriage that is the foundation of that home and so it is critical it is absolutely essential if we're going to be successful that we consult the blueprint the God's original set of plans and so we know exactly what we're to do and we build by the proper plans now I just want to give a word of caution again to those of you who are with us who say well I'm single I don't plan to get married I don't want to get married or maybe I was married for 30 or 40 or 50 years and I'm doing fine being single I don't need marriage and so you're thinking this series is not for me and if you're thinking I got to endure this for 18 weeks forget it I'll find some place else to go let me just give you a word of encouragement I think you'll find that many of the biblical principles that we will talk about in regard to marriage also apply to other human relationships not just husband and wife and so when we begin talking about things like communication and handling conflict and those kinds of things that will serve you well in any relationship in your life plus you do have other family members children siblings that probably could use some counsel from you from time to time if you understand what the Bible has to say about marriage and so hang in there with us okay so I think it will be beneficial to all of you if it's critical that we follow the blueprint then here's what we're gonna do this morning this morning we're gonna go back to the very basics of marriage God's original blueprint it is found in Genesis chapter two I told you it's the original set-up plans it goes all the way back to the beginning Genesis chapter two where we will find God's blueprint for marriage his standard and description and initiation of the marriage relationship and covenant is found in Genesis chapter two now I don't want to insult anybody's intelligence this morning but what we're going to deal with is very basic and some of you will go out this morning say I didn't learn anything I knew all of that already if that's the case I would suggest that you try to see this very simple basic message as a way to review what you already know and kind of center yourself once again on the biblical basics of marriage Genesis chapter two the first part of the blueprint that we find the first page of the blueprint is this the origin of marriage where did it start how did it begin who instituted it this is critical to our understanding of what marriage is because I don't have to tell you there's a lot of folklore out there about how marriage started a lot of ideas even culturally about how marriage got going saw a bumper sticker one time that said God made man and rested then God made woman and no one has rested since I heard a lot of guys laughing at that one so ladies here's one for you another bit of folklore an imaginary conversation between Adam and God following the creation of Eve and one day as they're walking through the garden and the cool of the day Adam asks this question of God why did you make God so beautiful and God said to attract your attention okay God why did you make her with such a sweet personality God said so you would love her Adam thought for a moment said I'm a little hesitant to ask this last question but gonna ask it anyway why did you make her so dumb and God's response was so that she would love you well obviously neither one of those are true okay this this count those but but neither are the many ideas as to how marriage got started in human society it is wrong to think that somewhere long ago in a dark cave some man decided that marriage would be beneficial to society or it would be kind of a nice relationship to have and so humankind kind of cooked up this idea on our own if if that's how it got started there would be better options possible with time but that's not how it got started that is not where marriage originated now this is very basic it's very key it may seem like it does not need to be stressed but it does in the culture in which we live because here's the foundational truth God instituted marriage he's the one that started it's origin is with him and his plan it did not originate with us and so as we said last week the definition for marriage is not up for redefinitions not up for negotiation we have no right to redefine what God has already established and defined exactly what it should be sometimes we scratch our heads and we think how in the world could people believe what is taught today or believed today about marriage how can people get that far away and the reason is what we're dealing with today if you accept this book as God's word it is the authority for your life and God very clearly outlines how marriage started and what he intended it to be from the beginning people who have other ideas and say you have no right to tell me that you have one definition of marriage and that's the only way it can be people who believe that obviously do not accept the authority of God's word it's that simple it's that basic if you believe the Bible it is unmistakably clear what God intended marriage to be so it did not originate with man as a societal or cultural experiment that could be redefined or improved on it was instituted by God you want to see how I'm glad let's look verse 18 the Lord God said Genesis 2 verse 18 the Lord God said it is not good for the man to be alone I will make a helper suitable for him now let's stop right there because if you had been reading from chapter 1 verse 1 that statement would jump out and grab you by the throat because seven times in chapter 1 God has looked over the things he has made and said it is good it is good for instance look back at chapter 1 verse 4 God saw that the light was good and he separated the light from the darkness skip down the verse 10 the second time it occurs God called the dry ground land and the gathered waters he called seas and God saw that it was good five more times God says that in chapter 1 as he's creating various parts of his creation he says over and over again it was good ending with this statement in verse 31 and God saw all that he had made and it was very good and there was evening there was morning the sixth day so God seven times in chapter 1 looks over what he's he's creating and says this is good it's good it's good at the end he says it is very good and then you read chapter 2 which is basically a fuller description of the creation of man and woman how God created them in his image and you come down to verse 18 and it kind of sticks out God said it is not good whoa that really grabs your attention after all this it is good it is good it is good it is good it's very good then all of a sudden it's not good whoa what's what's going on here what is not good it is not good God says for the man to be alone I will make a helper suitable for him so he's alone Adam is alone and that's not a good thing so God has created other creatures he's created animals can this aloneness be supplied in the animal kingdom look at verse 19 now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky he brought them to the man to see what he would name them and whatever the man called each living creature that was its name so the man gave names to all the livestock the birds in the sky and all the wild animals but for Adam no suitable helper was found no helper that matched him that was an equal that suit it was suitable for him there's no no animal that fits the bill not even the dog man's best friend nope not even the dog not even a cat who is one's best friend right no nothing among the animal kingdom no creatures are able to meet this need of aloneness can this be met by fellowship with God there's an interesting question the implication of the text is that this is a need that is not met by fellowship with God because God and Adam were already fellow shipping and God still says he's alone so there is a human dynamic that is not met with any other creature God has created and a human relationship that is needed that God sees it is not good to be without and so he institutes marriage he creates Eve and brings her to Adam let's see how he does it verse 21 so the Lord God calls the man to fall into a deep sleep and while he was sleeping he took one of the man's ribs and then closed up the place with flesh then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man and he brought her to the man the man said this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man now that account of the creation of Eve reads very factually almost in a dry fashion and when it comes to verse 23 where he's naming you're it almost sounds like name in the animals this does seem to be a factual kind of dry account of this I would like to think that there is emotion here in fact we'll see in a moment there's reason to believe so from the text but I would like to think we read it wrongly if we just read this as a strictly factual historical account it is historical but strictly just a factual account of what happened with no emotion at all I would like to think that when God brought Eve to Adam he said something like wow you got this out of me and when he named her the reason he named her woman was he took one look at her and said whoa man and that was her name all right you say John has not in the text no wait a second wait a second it kind of is look at look at verse 23 again the man said this is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh you see the words this is now that's the part that just seems like oh okay here's someone else some other creature gonna name it too that's not at all what that communicates the words this is now don't really communicate Adam's intensity of feeling the Hebrew word literally means finally or at last now think about it he has named all of the animals and the Bible says there has been no helper suitable for him it's quite possible as many suggest who write on the book of Genesis that when God had him naming the animals they appeared in pairs with their appropriate partners and Adam could easily tell I don't see anybody else it looks like me I don't hear these you know oxen and chickens and all kinds of animals in pairs I don't see my pair no suitable helper is found for him but when Eve is brought literally Adam says finally bone of my bone flesh of my flesh in other words a match someone who's like me finally a match at last someone who's like me different but like me none of the other creatures fit that description and I believe there was some excitement and intensity in his voice as he realized God had made a pair God had made someone to match him a helper that was suitable to him that matched him that fit with him and he named her woman say where did he get that name well you can see in the text it says she was because she was taken out of man one of the one of the two words for man in the Old Testament is the word ish now don't misunderstand that it doesn't mean that God made man and said ish oh it's just the name it's just the Hebrew word ish the ending on ish that's placed on there by Adam is ah which means out of out of ish out of man literally the word woman means out of man this came from me this is my match this is the one who's bone of my bone flesh of my flesh just like I saw two of every other animal now they're two of us and she is my match she is my partner and so God created Eve to be his partner now there are that's the biblical account by the way that's the biblical account that we find let me move quickly to the biblical principles that are in this account there are at least two very basic and foundational biblical principles that we see in the first marriage and God's institution of marriage in the origin of marriage first principle is this marriage is to be heterosexual meaning of different sexes not the same sex that's clear God instituted marriage and who did he make he made a woman to compliment the man and he brought the man and the woman together as marriage partners it is clear that God never intended same sex marriage or homosexual marriage it is heterosexual in nature from the very beginning that's the way God established it not a man with a man or a woman with a woman we have no right to redefine marriage because God has established how it will be he did not make Adam and Steve he made Adam and Eve he did not make even Madeline he made even Adam it's very clear what God intended marriage is to be heterosexual the second biblical principle that is very clear here is that marriage is to be monogamous now that's a word we hear thrown around some we hear it really more the word polygamy mono means one gambus is actually the Greek word for marriage so monogamous means one marriage polygamy means many poly many marriages it is clear from the beginning the original intent is one man one woman monogamous you know God didn't create Adam even Ethel there were no other possibilities there was just one I mean there were lots of possibilities Adam had 24 ribs but there was only one only one and that's Eve and so God intended this to be a monogamous union one woman one man that's clearly the intent and definition of marriage in the Garden of Eden when God originated marriage he said its parameters he defined what it should be by his very act of creating Eve and so that's the origin of marriage part of the blueprint part of the original plans second page of the blueprint is this the blessing of marriage the blessing of marriage again you know this marriage often gets a bad rap there are lots of people who have just turned completely sour on the whole idea of marriage and it's because they had a bad experience maybe more than one bad experience and so they just think you know marriage is a terrible idea I heard about a wife one time who shortly after they were married came to her husband they were disagreeing about some financial issues in their marriage and she said to him before we got married you told me you were well off and he was heard muttering as he went out the room I was more well off than I thought hmm marriage gets a bad rap one woman who was dating her fiance and they were engaged to be married complained to a friend you know my fiance spends a lot of money on me when we're dating I don't need that I don't really want that how can I convince him to stop spending so much money on him and her friend said just marry him it'll stop then there are lots of ways in which marriage gets a bad rap today but I want to make this very clear and this is part of the original blueprint it's part of what God intended the Bible indicates that marriage is a blessing from God. Marriage is a blessing from God we find it right here in the blueprint the original blueprint Genesis 2 God saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone so he did something to to make it good it was not good so he does something that will make it good what does he do bring along a dog no give him a radio TV you know sports channel package no he didn't he brought along wife that's good that's how you make not good into good is you give a wife and then Proverbs 1822 such an amazing verse Proverbs 1822 says he who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord so marriage is seen as that which is good for mankind it evidences the favor and blessing of God in Ephesians chapter 5 and we'll look at this later in this series in some depth Ephesians chapter 5 the Bible says that marriage basically is to be modeled after Christ's relationship with his bride that's the model that's the example that is good that shows that marriage is a divine institution that is to represent before watching world the relationship between Christ and his bride that's a good thing and if the model is set before us then God anticipates that we will do our best in his grace and strength to reach that model some people say well you know Paul didn't think marriage was very good didn't he say so in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 I'll just deal with that for just a moment it's got to be faced what Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7 as he begins the chapter he says this now for the matters you wrote about it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman literally it says it is good for a man not to touch a woman and the idea is the the very personal touch of sexual relations so some translations put that in the idea of marriage it is good for a woman or man not to marry a woman you'll find some translations that do that the idea basically is it is not good what Paul is saying it is not good for a person to enter into a marriage relationship or to have sexual relations with someone that is only supposed to be consummated within marriage which sure sounds like Paul said better not get married it's not good is it Paul does go on in the chapter to highlight the advantages of being single he says in verse 8 we won't take the time to look at all that chapter but he says in verse 8 I wish that others were like me without a wife but then he gives the reason why he says that in verse 26 when he says it's because of the present distress meaning the persecution that is on the horizon looming for the early church and he goes on to describe he says you know if you have a family if you have a wife and children you're going to be much more anxious and concerned about what's going to happen to them and how to provide for them and how to take care them in this present distress in face of persecution obviously you rightfully have got to think about your family but if you're like me if you're single you can just throw a cost into the wind serve the Lord if your head gets chopped off so what that's the idea basically in 1 Corinthians 7 but I would have you to note two things that indicate to me Paul is not saying it's better to stay single bottom line period end of sentence he's not saying that in total the first thing is how you understand this phrase that Paul says here go go back to verse 1 the phrase it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman how do you understand that well you notice at the beginning of the verse he says now for the matters you wrote about in the first six chapters of 1 Corinthians Paul is dealing with problems that had been reported to him about the church things he'd heard about from chapter 7 on he takes up a series of issues that the Corinthian church has written to him about and he kind of checks them off one by one the first one is here now for the matters you wrote about let's take the first one in chapter 8 he'll take the second one he says now for food offer to idols and he deals with Christian liberty chapter 12 he says okay now regarding spiritual gifts he's dealing with another one chapter 15 he says now want to talk with you about the resurrection he's dealing with another issue they'd written to him about and then in chapter 16 he says now concerning the collection for the saints you see he's just ticking off one by one a series of issues they've written him about asking questions about most writers who write on first Corinthians believe that what Paul is doing here in verse 1 is he's quoting what they had written to him about and what that's why the NIV I think rightly places it in quotation marks okay now I'm going to deal with the issues you wrote me about here's the first one and I'm going to quote you these are your words it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman that's what you wrote me that's the issue you asked me about he's not stating that as his conviction bottom line period into sentence he's saying that's the question you raised I want you to see how he initially answers it in verse 2 look not verse 2 but he says since sexual immorality is occurring each man should have sexual relations with his own wife and each woman with her own husband and then he goes on to describe that one of the reasons for marriage is to provide for sexual fulfillment Corinth was a horrible place as far as sexual morality was concerned there was even a temple there that had sacred prostitutes that sold their services as a part of the worship in that temple you imagine that's Corinth it was wide open sexually and what Paul is saying you're writing me to ask is it better just not to marry at all I'm telling you because of all the sexual immorality around you you need to be married it goes on to say some people have the gift of remaining single being celibate but others do not and if you don't then you need to get married so that you have a viable option for sexual fulfillment and you'll not be tempted by what's around you in the culture so is Paul saying you should not get married no he's really saying the opposite he's saying you need to get married especially in Corinth now he says in light of the present persecution it would be better if you could be single but not everybody has that gift to remain single so in light of all that's going on around you get married so he's actually advocating the blessing of marriage so I think the Bible in its original giving of marriage and supported throughout sees marriage as a great blessing a gift of God given to us for our blessing now it's obvious that not every marriage ends up working out that way some marriage has become very hurtful very harmful sometimes unlivable but that's not what God intended remember we're going back to the original blueprint the original blueprint says I'm giving this to you as a blessing it's intended to be a gift of mind to be a blessing to you second page of the blueprint third page of the blueprint the purposes for marriage why get married what's the reason for marriage what are the purposes for marriage two old codgers sitting on a park bench in a park one day one of them kind of leans back throws his arm up on the bench and said you know if when I was younger we'd had electric blankets and store bulk bread I don't ever got married well let me say there are better reasons for getting married there are better reasons for it than that and God gives us several five at least five reasons or purposes for marriage at least three of them were found in Genesis chapter two again you would expect this God originates this he's going to give us the reason for it reason number one is to complete each other to complete each other you find it again in verse 18 the Lord God said it is not good for the man to be alone I will make a helper suitable for him now if you have the King James you probably have I will make a help meet for him and somehow through the years that has been combined into one word so a wife is a help meet that's the word that's often a help meet and the definition of that is she literally is the helper in the relationship and so the idea that many have and by the way the word helper can communicate this if we don't understand it biblically the idea that many have is that the word helper indicates inferiority you know a carpenter's helper or a nurse's aid or a teacher's aid or a golfer's caddy while those are certainly honorable vocations they are usually occupied with the kind of routine task that enable the really skilled person to do what here she does and some people read that into the idea of helper that the wife is a little inferior she kind of helps she keeps my clothes ready for me cooks my meals does everything for me so that I can be the one who really goes out and conquers the world that's not really the idea in the book in the word helper the same Hebrew word now by the way we're going to get to this later we will talk about what the Bible means by submission and that's very clear and and leadership roles in the home and so forth we'll get to that but don't misunderstand what he's saying here he's not putting woman on an inferior level at all by using this word the same word is used several times in the Old Testament of God coming to the aid of his people God is our helper Psalm 121 for instance where do I look to for help the Hills note God is my helper the idea in the word helper is this a helper is one whose strength compensates for the weakness or inadequacy of another so God in his strength comes to the aid of his people he is the helper of his people he helps us in our weakness and inadequacy and so the idea of creating a helper for Eve was not some kind of inferior position he's up here and she's down here they are to mutually help each other Adam is alone he needs help and some of you women are nodding very vigorously at that yeah man needs help but the idea is your mutual help of each of you in a marriage there is a design instituted by God where we both complete each other compliment each other where our strengths serve to compliment the inadequacies and weaknesses of the other yes Eve was created to do that for Adam but obviously Adam also does that for Eve Eve is not perfect believe it or not now see some guys nodding their heads now Eve is not perfect and so she has inadequacies too and so there will be a mutual helping of each other a complimenting of each other completing of each other and those of you who've been married for any length of time you understand how this works we complete each other emotionally one of you may be more emotionally sensitive and you can kind of see into issues the other of you may be more analytical and logical and just you know kind of think through them without any feeling and you compliment each other you complete each other you build up each other's weaknesses in that way we complete each other in personality we have different personalities in marriage one has strengths where the other one is weak and while that may create conflict if it's seen as God intended it to be he intended you to complete one another to recognize that I've got some weaknesses and you know God gave me a make that's real strong in that area and I'm so grateful for her or I'm so grateful for him you know we really do complete each other that's God's intent we complete each other in perspective we may see different sides of an issue and again that can lead to disagreement and conflict but it shouldn't if we see it from God's perspective originally God intended that someone be there to help me cover my blind spots and I'll do the same for her and together we'll see more and understand better than we would have alone we complete each other that's the idea behind a helper meet or suitable to him and the idea of suitable is Adam finally found a match there's she's not like the Adam she's like me she's bone of my bone flesh of my flesh she's like me different but like me and so she's suitable she fits with me so one of the purposes initially of marriage is to complete each other second purpose is to provide companionship and again you can see it in verse 20 so the man gave names to all the livestock birds in the sky all the wild animals but for Adam no suitable helper was found and the idea as we've seen already is that the kind of helper that Adam needed cannot be found among the animal kingdom he needs a level of companionship that only another human being can provide so God is not only meeting his aloneness he's also meeting his lonelyness and those are two different issues you understand that don't you you can be alone that's one thing but you can also be lonely in a crowd of people and you can be lonely in a marriage because filling that need for a loneliness is not just another warm breathing human body in the room it's talking about companionship that could not be found with a dog or cat or pig or whatever especially not a pig where that came from but it needed to be found in another human being so what is this it is a companionship where you can discuss ideas where you can share problems where you can offer one another counsel and another view of an issue where you can open up and share your heart with someone you don't have that give and take with a pet you only have that with another human being because that's a level of companionship of a real sharing of your souls and of your heart and your mind that cannot be found in anything else in creation so one of the purposes of marriage is to provide that level of companionship to address not only a loneliness but also loneliness to give companionship third purpose of marriage is to provide for sexual needs and we've already addressed this a little bit but I want you to see the verses that follow verses one and two a 1st Corinthians 7 that we just saw where Paul says a lot of sexual immorality around you you need to get married and here's the reason why verse three the husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife obviously in the context that's speaking of sexual fulfillment and likewise the wife to her husband the wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband in the same way the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife just to stop right there for a moment sexual fulfillment is designed by God and his purpose for both husband and wife not just for one for both and that's what he's saying they're in verse four but notice what he goes on to say in verse five here's the reason for that do not deprive each other accept perhaps by mutual consent and for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control again what he's saying is there's so much immorality among you it's even a part of the worship system in Corinth for crying out loud so it's all around you and if you're not careful you will be tempted because of your lack of self-control lack of self-discipline so for that reason marry a husband or a wife so that those needs can be met within the confines of marriage where God intended them to be met so that you'll not be tempted outside of the marriage relationship so it's obvious one of the reasons for marriage is to provide for sexual fulfillment sexual needs to be fulfilled for the reason and by the way that's the only place God intended they be fulfilled only place I mentioned this verse last week it bears repeating Hebrews 13 for marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled nothing wrong with sexual fulfillment in marriage but then he goes on to say but adulterers and fornicators God will judge in other words it's it's sin if marriage if sexual fulfillment is found outside the marriage bond that's sin very clear in the scriptures so to provide for sexual needs number four to portray Christ and the church that's another reason for marriage we saw that in Ephesians 5 earlier we referenced it but look at these two verses it kind of summarized this how it works now as the church submits to Christ so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her now we're going to get to both sides of that later on in this series and I kind of laid it out for you last week but but notice the point today is the pattern of the church as the church submits to Christ that's the model that's the pattern as Christ loves the church and so we often see that as the model and rightly so that's the model that we are to to seek to strive for to emulate is the the relationship between Christ and his church but I think there's something else there that we don't often see and it's this that's not just the model for us to pattern our marriages after but God is also saying that your marriage is God's provision to be a witness to the world your marriage is to portray to a watching questioning world what Christ's love for his church looks like and what the church's relationship to Christ looks like now that puts a whole different spin on it and shows us that God really intended our marriages to be a powerful lifestyle testimony to the world around us and that there weren't there going to be should be asking questions about how do you all do that why do you all relate to each other that way I can't imagine can't believe what I see in your marriage and it's to be an opportunity to share Christ because our marriages are supposed to present him and his relationship to the church fifth reason quickly for marriages to bear children and I mentioned this one because it is in the original plan in Genesis 1.28 God created Adam and Eve man created man in his own image male, female he created them and he said to them be fruitful multiply fill the earth so one of the original reasons for marriage was to produce children to fill the earth now please understand to fill the earth is not God's specific command to every couple you are not responsible in and of yourself to fill the earth obviously that was that was Adam and Eve's responsibility remember that command was given to them before sin if they had not sin they would have lived forever they literally would have filled the earth with their own progeny and they lived like 900 years they did a pretty good job of it getting starting out you know just all the people that were born from them so the point is this one of the reasons for marriage is to bear children now please don't take issue with that or feel hard feelings about that if God does not grant your children that does not mean your marriage is not all legitimate marriage or somehow has been cursed of God or something like that not that at all what God is saying is that God ordains that through marriage children will come it's not the only reason for marriage there are four other good reasons and purposes and God may withhold that one from you for whatever reason that's totally in his hands but you know the only way children are supposed to come into this world is through a husband and a wife who are committed to each other for life a marriage relationship that was in the original blueprint that's the way God intended it all right there's one other page of the blueprint we're going to have to look at it carefully the importance of marriage and quickly the importance of marriage we left out verse 24 we didn't really comment much on it so we need to look at verse 24 that is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and they become one flesh Jesus or God is highlighting the importance of marriage in that verse and I believe it is God that is speaking of verse 24 I believe Adam stops speaking in verse 23 and God now speaks in verse 24 I know that because that's what Jesus said Jesus quoted this passage in Matthew 19 and in Matthew 19 when he quotes verse 24 he says and God said for this reason of an individual leave his father and mother and be united to his wife so what God is doing here is based upon his creation he is giving us a general principle of marriage which highlights the importance of the marriage relationship and it is a general principle intended by God for all marriage just because obviously it doesn't even apply to Adam and Eve leave father and mother Adam and Eve don't have a father and mother so it doesn't really apply to it's obvious God's giving us a general principle for all marriages after that and the principle highlights the importance of marriage I like to say it this way it's the command to leave and to cleave those the old King James words to leave and to cleave the word leave is a very strong word it has to do with how the relationship changes between you and your parents I'm going to spend a whole message on that later so I don't want to get into it now we don't have time anyway but it's a very strong word talking about how the relationship with your parents changes when you get married the focal point of your relationships now is to be your husband or your wife not your parents and then the word cleave it's the old Elizabethan Shakespearean word and it doesn't really communicate as well to us anymore but it rhymes and that's kind of why I like to use it you know but when I think of cleave I think of leave it to beaver you know the cleaver family that's kind of what I think of is what pops in my mind that's kind of weird that's the way my mind works but I think of maybe a meat cleaver something that chops stuff up and that would be the exact opposite of the idea of the word here the word cleave and it's translated united in my version of the NIV that's a good word but it's not the best word the best word would be something like cling to cling to or maybe stick to it has the idea of a passionate commitment that links two things or two people together inseparably that kind of passionate commitment actually the same word is used in the book of Job of Job's skin clinging to his bones cleaving to his bones when he's in a mountain-nurse state of a very sick state and his skin is clinging to his bones it has that idea of inseparable union of being stuck that's not the best way to put it in our culture either not a big stock but a sticking sticking together clinging together and so this this priority of marriage God is saying makes marriage more important than our relationship with our parents so it's importance above our parents is being highlighted and again we'll get to that later but I also want to say this it's also highlighting the importance of marriage above our children please understand this parent child relationship is incredibly close but that's going to change when they leave home after 20-25 years 30 years maybe change the primary relationship in your home is your marriage relationship that's not to neglect or negate your children at all but two things will happen potential that are very damaging if you do not continue to build your relationship when the children come along first thing will happen is your marriage will suffer and then when the kids are gone you'll wake up one morning and look at that person beside you and realize you don't even really know them anymore and you have nothing in common anymore you know the highest divorce rate after the first year of marriage is in the 40s and 50s when the last child leaves home and it's for this reason couples have poured all of their energy into their children and have neglected their relationship your relationship as important as your children are to you and as time involved as that relationship is and must be don't neglect your marriage but a second potential problem will arise if you neglect your marriage you will damage your children's marriages too not only have you provided the wrong model for them but if you try to hang onto them as though they are still in your home and you try to continue to cultivate the relationship that inevitably will pull them away from their marriage partner you may end up destroying their marriage as well so please understand the marriage relationship is important over the relationship with our parents and it is primary over the relationship even with their own children it is the primary relationship in the home don't neglect it don't neglect it and that's hard that's the reason why I stress that it's hard when you've got two three four little children all of whom require monumental chunks of time and energy and effort and there's just no time and energy left for husband or wife and there are phases where you go through that but please if you're in that phase right now of having young children please still carve out time for each other I tell couples in premarital counseling if you do not put fresh energy into your marriage no matter what phase of marriage you're in even it was a little kids if you don't put fresh energy into it the same law that operates with everything else in the universal operate with you it will slowly die it will you can't expect that marriage is in neutral it's good the day we got married man it's going to be good the rest of my life no that doesn't work that way you've got to put fresh energy into it and you have to find ways to do that when all of your energy seems to be poured into the children got to find ways to do that whatever it takes someone asked the very well-known painter Rembrandt when is a painting finished how do you know when you're finished with a painting his various student observation and answer was when it fulfills the intent of the artist then I know it's done that's in my mind and when it fulfills when fulfills my intent I know it's done when I read that I thought about marriage when do you know when a marriage is all that it should be all that it's supposed to be when it fulfills the intent of the artist the one who designed the masterpiece in the first place God himself or to use the analogy we've used in this message when it fulfills the blueprint of the architect the one who designed it if you're living by his blueprint then your marriage is going to be what he wants it to be his blueprint is basic and simple it involves the origin of marriage the blessing of marriage the purposes for marriage and the primary importance of marriage that's the set of blueprints that God wants us to build our marriages with how you're doing how you're doing let's pray father help us to take stock of the blueprint today help us to look carefully so that we understand and we follow the blueprint you've given us I pray father that we would use that original set of blueprints as a constant guide that we'll pull it out and look at it from time to time to make sure we're still on track we're building the way you want us to so Lord encourage couples here today help us to see where we have varied from that blueprint and as a result the building is deficient pray father you would help us to go back to the original blueprint put the kind of energy and building into something that you designed we ask in Jesus name amen