How to Love Your Wife (4)

Oh my. Well, sometimes it's good just to poke fun at ourselves a little bit and realize as was over dramatized in that video, we do have different ways of looking at things and different ways of communicating and what we expect out of a relationship. We sometimes just miss each other. And that's part of why in describing what and applying what the Bible says about husbands loving their wives and wives respecting their husbands, we're taking plenty of time to try to apply that and find other scriptures which support that because oftentimes we've read these verses that we're talking about many times. Most of you are familiar with Ephesians 5 and you know that it says, love your wives as your own bodies, love your wives as Christ, love the church and sometimes we just read over that and we don't think about how that really looks, how that really applies, how we live that out and so that's what we're trying to do in this series of messages. Now last week or several weeks I've told you we're going to spend three weeks on the husbands on how to love your wives and then three weeks on the wives and how to respect your husbands. Last week I ran out of time quite simply and so this is week four of the husbands, please don't think I'm doing this because the husbands have asked me to. That is definitely not the case. In fact they're asking praying for us to get onto the wives and so we will but I do want to finish up what we didn't get done last week and so remember that when the Bible says in Ephesians chapter 5 that husbands ought to love wives as their own bodies and love their wives as Christ, love the church, one of the ways we have seen that that can be described is with this acronym couple and these six principles we love our wives sacrificially as Christ love the church in these ways with closeness, openness, understanding, peacemaking, last week we looked at loyalty and today we're going to look at esteem. Let me remind you of what we talked about last week with loyalty because it leads right into where we begin today by loyalty with loving our wives with a sense of loyalty we're talking about the reassurance to your wives that you are committed to her and to your marriage. It's not just being committed to the principle of marriage but it is being committed to your wife. That's loyalty. We saw several ways that that loyalty can be expressed. Reassure her with your words. We look at Song of Solomon and we saw that practically every time Solomon speaks in the book almost every time the bridegroom speaks he is reassuring his beloved of his love for her of how beautiful she is to him, of how treasured she is to him almost every time and so we saw that's a real emphasis reassure her with your words. Secondly, reassure her with your actions. Again in Song of Solomon last week we discovered that the wife cries out for action which demonstrates love. Remember she said he is taking me to his banquet hall. His banner over me is love and the idea is that what he is demonstrating to others in the way he treats me shows other people that he loves me. Then we saw that verse in chapter 8 and verse 6 where she says again she expresses the longing of her heart to be placed or to be like the seal over his heart and like the seal on his arm, both of which are outward symbols of what's precious to him or even the wedding band. That was the wedding band of Old Testament times, the seal around the arm. So she is asking to be reassured with his actions and then we saw that we love with loyalty by making a covenant with our eyes. We looked at Job 31 where Job says I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully after a young woman and so the Bible tells us that especially warns us in this age where lust is so out in the open and the temptation to lust is so prevalent. The Bible says the way to escape that, the way to conquer that is through making a covenant with your eyes and we talked last week about what that looks like and what it means. Fourthly we saw that loving our wives in a way which is loyal means that we commit to being faithful to our wives. Proverbs chapter 5 says don't go after anyone else, let the spring of satisfaction of your love be within your own household and don't be ravished with the love of someone else. Keep it within the household, within your relationship with your wife. Be committed to faithfulness to your wife. Then number five, we saw keep your promises to her. Malachi chapter 2, we looked at where God says marriage is a covenant. It is a sacred agreement between two parties that in a sense God signs it is a covenant. And three times in that passage we looked at last week we saw that Malachi says if you break that covenant you break faith, you break faith with your wife. It's not just being unfaithful in a literal physical sense, it is you break the covenant with your wife. That's what happens. And so God says I hate that and we were reestablished I trust in the idea that God wants our marriages to last and as husbands we are to keep our promises in that covenant to our wives. We talked about some practical ways to show loyalty also last week. But today we're going to finish that message with what it means to love our wives in a way that shows them esteem or builds their esteem. You say a Bible word, yes it is. It is a Bible word. It's found in Philippians chapter 2 when Paul says I believe it's in verse 3 that we should esteem others more highly than ourselves. The word means to treasure or value highly others more so than ourselves. And certainly the most significant other in your life is your wife. And so the one that you should esteem most highly men is your wife. What I mean by a steam is that you make her feel treasured as if she is the most loved woman on earth. She knows that she is first in your mind and your heart. There is nothing that you can communicate to her that will make her feel more esteemed, more valued, more treasured. So what does that look like? How do we do that? What are the scriptural principles that we can use to apply and do that? Look with me please again at first Peter chapter 3. And again I want us to turn in our Bible so that you understand this is not John King's ideas, these are the Bibles ideas, this is biblical truth, these are biblical principles and we're simply seeking to apply them. So look at first Peter chapter 3 please, first Peter chapter 3. We looked at this verse before and it just highlight a couple of things from it again before we focused on the understanding part in the first part of the verse. First Peter 3 verse 7. Husbands in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives or live with them in an understanding way is one way to translate that. We focused on that part of the verse earlier but notice what he says after that and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life so that nothing will hinder your prayers. Treat them with respect with honor. In other words esteem them highly, treasure or value your wife highly that is done by by esteeming them or honoring your wife. Let me just take a moment to remind you of the six ways we talked about earlier of honoring your wife just in case you weren't here if you were here maybe a little fresh reminder would be good. First of all, share your life and work with her. If you're going to esteem her highly, share your life and work with her. Nothing will make her feel more special than if you include her in your life, in your work and you share with her what's going on in your life that you don't exclude her make her feel like she wouldn't care or wouldn't understand anyway. To steam her honor her respect her by sharing your life and work with her support her interests. What she is interested in and God's made us all different doesn't have to be the same as your interest. It may be something different but it may be something God has uniquely placed in her heart. Support that. Support her interests. Thirdly, encourage her talents. God has gifted her, given her abilities in certain ways that you may not really relate with but support those, encourage those. Encourage her expressing her talents and her gifts in the way that she can in the way that God has built her to. Don't try to restrain her and hold her back. Allow her to express those gifts and talents that God has given her. Fourth way we honor our wives is to value her insight. Please, men, let's not treat our wives as if they know nothing. Their insight, their thoughts are not really worth considering and so we talk down to them. We talk over them. We're demeaning to them. Value and trust her insights. Number five, treat her with courtesy. Be kind. Be courteous. Show her that you're a man. Don't let shivu reday in your marriage. Treat her with the kind of kindness and courtesy that she deserves. And then number six, listen to her. We spent a good bit of time on that one earlier but just to reinforce and drive home the point, just remind you it's not about the nail. Okay. It's not about the nail. Listen to her feelings. Listen to what she's thinking and feeling. Honor your wife by listening to her. The second way we esteem our wives that we treat them as highly valued and precious is praise your wife. Praise your wife. Look with me please at Proverbs chapter 31. Would you please turn to that passage? Proverbs 31. This is that well-known passage often heard on Mother's Day where the Bible describes what is called the virtuous woman or the woman of noble character. We're all familiar with the verse verse 10, a wife of noble character or a virtuous woman who can find she is worth far more than rubies. And then the Bible goes on to describe what this virtuous woman, this woman of noble character is like. And I would have you remember, we're not going to go through it verse by verse today but I would have you remember that most of the things which are addressed by Solomon or the writer of this chapter probably King Lemuel. The one who writes this focuses on home making duties, household responsibilities. And it is those responsibilities that he keys on or her cooking, her housekeeping, her mending, her fixing of clothes for the family. Those kinds of things are highlighted, those domestic responsibilities that a wife has and that I believe God instinctively builds in to a woman that nurturing, nesting instinct that we talk about. Those are the things that are highlighted. And at the end of describing all of those responsibilities, look at what he says in verse 28. Her children arise and call her blessed, her husband also and he praises her. Now so that we don't miss what it means to praise your wife, we have verse 29 which probably in your Bible has quotation marks around it is a literal quote spoken by the husband in praise of his wife. Many women do noble things but you surpass them all. You see what he's doing? He is praising his wife by esteeming her as the most important woman in the world to him. You are the best to me. I love the way you cook. I love the way you keep house. I love the way you provide for our children. I love all that you do and I praise you for that. Lots of women do great things but you're above them all. In my book you are number one. You see he's praising his wife and please notice that again the context indicates that most of this has to do with household responsibilities. Your wife needs to know that you value her in her mothering home making role because quite frankly men no matter what your wife does outside the home that's the most important biblical function she has is in the home and so she needs to know that you value her contribution to your household, her value to you as a wife and a mother and a homemaker. Now let's face it most of us men don't understand what that involves. It can be very difficult. Children can be difficult. Children can get into trouble. Children can cause trouble. Children can be trouble. And don't misunderstand I love children. I love kids. I have three of my own and I have six grandkids. I love kids but it is difficult to rear a family and for most of our families the mother bears the brunt of that. Now I'm not saying that fathers should not be involved. It's sad when they aren't but just the reality of things. Lens toward more of the mother's role in the children's lives and because of that moms can feel very lonely. Young mothers can feel very inadequate. They often feel that they're a failure that they're not a good mom because the kids are not perfect. The kids fight and they spill stuff and they do all kinds of things. By the way mothers all kids do that. Even those kids that look so docile and so well kept. You don't see them all the time. All children are difficult sometimes. It's a difficult task. Rearing children and young mothers especially can feel isolated and lonely and overwhelmed. You heard the testimonies about mobs a couple of weeks ago and what a great ministry that is to reach out to young mothers to give them some camaraderie and fellowship with other mothers who are going through that same difficult phase of life. But men they need to hear it from you too. Not just from other wives, other mothers mentors and mobs. They need to hear from their husband more than anyone else. They need to hear that praise. There are lots of women who do a good job but you're the best honey. I love the way you take care of our home. She needs to hear that encouragement from you men. She needs to hear that reassurance. She needs to know that you value her as a mother, as a homemaker, that her hard work and commitment to the family does not go unnoticed. When was the last time men you praised your wife for the food that was on the table? I guarantee you that most of us will bow our heads and thank God for the food but if you ever thank your wife for preparing it or thank God for your wife because of her diligence and hard work in preparing it and putting it on the table so nicely or on the TV tray or wherever. If you ever just really thanked her for that, you praised her for that. She needs to hear that from you and here's the reason why. Her self-worth is instinctively tied up in her homemaking responsibilities. Even if she's a CEO or an executive and a corporation, I read one woman who was the vice president of a major airline in our country who said to a speaker that speaks on family issues and conferences said to him at the end of the day what my husband thinks about me is more important to me than anything else. Any evaluation I get at work or whatever, it means the most to me what he thinks about me. God has built that into a woman, that nurturing, homemaking instinct to provide a nest for her young and for her family for her husband and even if she works outside the home, she needs to hear from you, that you value her. She needs to hear that praise. And did you notice that the Bible also says her children arise and call her blessed? Let me ask you something, is that instinctive to children? The children naturally, you know at age three, they start showing signs of rising up and saying blessed to their mothers. Does that happen normally? Of course not. Where do they learn that? They learn it from you, husbands. They learn it by what they see modeled or not modeled in the home. And so men, I'm going to say that is our responsibility to train our children to praise their mother. We need to make clear to our children that they do not speak disrespectfully to their mother. That was one of three or four serious crimes in our home that deserved a spanking. Sorry if that's out of line in today's permissive culture, but we reserve those for the most heinous offenses and one of the heinous offenses in our home was speaking disrespectfully to their mother. We need to train our children that they do not disrespect their mother, but that they praise their mother and thank their mother for all that they did for their family. Now I recognize that some of you have had horrible home situations and that doesn't sound appropriate to you. I'm talking about everything else being equal. Train your children to love and praise their mother. Then encourage them to say, son, what was the last time you thanked your mom for the meal she fixes for you? For the way she keeps your clothes clean, for the way she keeps things here at the house. When's the last time you, when's the last time you thanked her for taking you places in the car? Sweetie, when was the last time you thanked your mother for combing your hair, fixing you meals and taking care of your dresses and your clothes? Teach your children to honor and praise their mother. You've probably heard the story of the husband who came home one day. You found bikes and scooters cluttering up the driveway. House was in shambles. Dirty vicious piled up in the sink. Dirty laundry piled up in the floor. Pieces of clothing randomly scattered throughout the house and the children coloring on the wall with crayons. And he starts crying out for his wife, where are you, honey? Looking forward through the house finds her asleep in bed. And he said, for crying out, what's wrong with you? You sick or something? The house is a mess and the kids are out of line. What's wrong? What's going on? She turned over, gave him a weak, tired smile. It said, you know when you come home and ask me what I've done all day? Yeah? Well, I didn't do it today. And maybe if our wives didn't do what they normally do every day and we came home for a few days, that way we would appreciate more what they do. But don't only appreciate men what they do, appreciate who they are, who they are, and what they mean to you because of who they are. I read this week about one wife who got off the phone with her sister and said, I just talked with my sister on the phone. She's incredible. She tells me that she helped her husband build a deck on the back of her house this summer. She also made a rocking chair and she's enrolled in an exotic food cooking class. I feel so inadequate whenever I talk to her, what in the world do I ever make? And her husband turned her toward him. It said, honey, you make me happy. Men communicate to your wives, praise them for what they do and for who they are. And you will go a long way to building your wife's esteem, to esteeming her, to causing her to feel treasured, the most valuable person in your wife. Praise your wife. And then thirdly, not only honor your wife, praise your wife, but cherish your wife. Cherish your wife. Now, let's look at Ephesians chapter 5. Passage we've looked at a couple of times already that is so basic, but I want to highlight a verse that uses this word. Cherish your wife. Ephesians chapter 5 verse 28, Paul says, in this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. Now remember we saw before, that doesn't mean that you look in the mirror at your physique and you're so impressed with yourself and you love your wife that much. No, it's not talking about that. It's talking about loving her as a part of yourself, as an extension of your very body. Your oneness, your unity is what's involved here. And so he says, love your wife as your own body. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body just as Christ does the church for we are members of his body. Now, I understand that there are some people who have emotional difficulties who may hate their own bodies. That's not the passage is not talking about those exceptions. In general terms, everybody takes care of their own body in the sense of feeding and caring for it or in the sense that the old King James words are nourishing and cherishing. And I like the fact those words are maintained in the ESV. Nourishing and cherishing your body. We are built instinctively to feed ourselves. Sometimes that gets a little out of control, but we are built instinctively when we get hungry to get some nourishment. And we are built instinctively when we are harmed to take care of our bodies, to cherish our bodies. For instance, if you are at work and your wrist gets slashed by a piece of equipment, it's just hurting out blood. You don't look at it and say, how do you care? No instinctively, you jump into action. You'll find some way to stop the bleeding. You'll get some medical attention if you need to go to the emergency room and get stitches or whatever. You'll do that. It's just instinctive. Now, I know I'm a guy and I know that we, you know, come on, suck it up and go on. Just go on. Be tough. But when you feel like your life is in danger, you will instinctively act to protect yourself. That's what it means to cherish your own body. Now, what Paul is saying is cherish your wife in the same way. As though she were your own body, cherish her. Treat her as someone who is very special to you. That you would instinctively protect and take care of. And men, women value symbols when it comes to feeling special, feeling cherished, feeling treasured, women value symbols. And it's one reason why sometimes we guys miss it because we don't understand how important symbolic gestures are to a woman. Could I have you turn back to Song of Solomon? Song of Solomon, the verse we looked at last week, just quickly, and then we'll look at another passage, chapter 8 and verse 6. This is showing her heart. She is speaking and she's demonstrating her heart the way she wants to be valued and esteemed by her husband. And notice she uses two symbols. Place me like a seal over your heart, chapter 8 verse 6. Place me like a seal over your heart. Remember we talked about the fact that's the King's seal, his insignia on a ring that would be worn in Old Testament times on a chain around the neck and would be lying over his heart. So as important and as special as that ring is to you, it's your official sign and seal that indicates the King's documents are real. As important as that is to you, I want to be that important over your heart too. And then she says, treat me like another seal. Like a seal on your arm, the seal band around the arm was like a wedding band today. It was a public sign. It was a symbol that showed one's commitment to one's mate. And here's the reason why she says that. She says, I want visible symbols that you love me and that you cherish me. Why? Because of the strength of love. The end of the verse for love is as strong as death. It's jealousy. And that's not a bad jealousy. The kind of jealousy that's spoken of here is a good desire to keep each other for yourself alone and not be shared with anyone else. But to be committed solely to you, that kind of jealousy is as unyielding as the grave, he says, it burns like blazing fire like a mighty flame. And so she's saying, I want our love, which is so strong, to be expressed in symbols. Show me that you love me like that. I want you to look at one other place in the book of Song of Solomon where a symbolic gesture of love is just an amazing way that Solomon cherishes her. Look back at chapter 5, please. Chapter 5, they are now married. First couple chapters have to do with their courtship. Chapters 3 and 4, deal with their marriage and wedding night. Chapter 5, they've been married for some time now. And she's asleep. She's in bed. And he's been working late. Maybe out in the fields tending to the flocks. It's that time of year. And he's got work to do late at night. So he comes in late at night. Now that's the setting when we get to verse 2 of chapter 5. And she is speaking. She says, I slept, but my heart was awake. Listen, my beloved is knocking. Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dantiness of the night. In other words, I've been out late working, but I've come home now, and I want to be with you tonight. And notice what she says in verse 3, I've taken off my robe. Must I put it on again? I've washed my feet. Must I soil them again? In today's terminology, it would come out something like this. But I have a headache. Okay, you get the picture? She does not feel like inviting him into her bedroom. So what does he do? Look at verse 4. My beloved thrust his hand through the latch opening. Now let me describe what that is. There was often quite a little hole near the latch so that from outside someone could put their hand through that door and open the door from the inside. Grab a hole to the latch and open the door. And that's evidently what it looks like he's going to do. Is he going to force his way in? Is he going to say, no, my needs are more important than yours. I don't care how you feel. Is that what he's going to do? No. No, look at what he does. My beloved thrust his hand through the latch opening. My heart began to pound for him. I arose to open for my beloved and my hands dripped with my fingers with flowing my heart on the handles of the bolt. Now here's the picture. Get it in your mind. She goes to open the door for him and she reaches to turn the latch that will unlock the door. And what she finds is that in reaching through that door hole he has not tried to force his way in. He has placed a bag of perfume on the latch. Murr was the most aromatic kind of perfume in Old Testament times. And it was used as an expression of love. What is he doing? He's saying, I understand, honey, I just want you to know I love you. And here's a little token, a symbol of my love for you. I'm going to leave this for you. And you know what that does for her? When she comes to the door she reaches for the latch and she feels this bag of perfume. Maybe it's dark and she doesn't realize it's there. And all of a sudden there's this perfume dripping through her fingers. Not only does it moisten her hand, it melts her heart because he's expressed in a symbolic way. It's not about me, it's about you. And I love you. And I want to show you that. And I want to symbolically give you a gesture that will show you how much I love you. And it melts her heart. Look at what she does. Verse 5, she rose to open doors, dripped with murr, fingers with flowing murr on the handles of the bolt. Verse 6, I opened for my beloved. She opened the door. She was going to welcome him in. Our heart is melted and drawn to him. But she says my beloved had left. He was gone. My heart sank at his departure. I looked for him but did not find him. I called him but he did not answer. He's already left. And now she wants him to be with her. And she wants him to stay but she can't find him. And verse 7 even describes how she went out in the city looking for him. And she had a cloak over her head. And the watchman of the city thought she was some kind of wandering woman, maybe a beggar or something. And they treated her kind of roughly before they realized who she was. But she's desperate to find him now. Why? Because her heart has been touched by his gesture, his symbolic gesture of love. Guys, you're something that's difficult for us to understand. And I want to try to explain it in a way that will help us understand how important symbols are to our wives. How important those gestures are because sometimes we don't get it because they don't mean the same thing to us. You give a guy a rose and what will he do? What's this for? Plunk it down on the counter and walk out. You know? Give a woman a rose and what does she do? She cries. She puts it in a bud vase and makes sure it's got plenty of water. And she'll do that for days until it absolutely cannot exist any longer. And then she takes it out and does this thing. Whatever you do, you iron it or something between what is it you do? Between cellophane or something, you iron it and stick it in a book. Whatever it is, but it's special to you. You want to keep it even when it's dead. You want to keep it? Now, we guys don't get that. What are you doing with the dead rose in the book? You see, but women cherished those symbolic gestures of love. They'll hang onto them forever. And by the way, men, that's why birthdays and anniversaries are so important to your wife and why it is a serious problem if you forget them. Now, I understand that there comes a certain age where birthdays are not looked forward to as much even by women, but women remember birthdays. You know why they're so special to women? Come on, guys, you get it. Don't you? They're the ones that gave birth. They're the ones that for nine months tried to figure out when the birthday of their child would be. That's a special day to them. That's a day they've longed for. And their birthday is special to them. Guys, don't care about birthdays. What's all the hoopla about? Forget them, but they're important to your wife. Now, remember, loving your wife as Christ loves the church means it's not about how you feel. It is sacrificially about how she feels. And so you understand how she feels about that, and you act in line with how she feels, not how you feel. Come on, what's a big deal? So you've turned 38. I don't care. Don't do that. Birthdays important are anniversary is even more important. Now, I know there may be some women who will meet me at the door and say, are you kidding? The anniversary doesn't mean anything to me. I doubt that, though. You know why an anniversary is so important? Your wedding anniversary is so important to your wife. Think about it, guys, and you'll get it. That day is so special to her because she dreamed from the time she was a little child about that day. She dressed up in mom's wedding gown or some pretty dress playing like she was in a wedding. That's important to her. Those symbols that the Bible talk about. Those are important to her. She's invited her friends over to look at wedding pictures and they talk about the wedding dress and the bride's groom's dresses and how they fix their hair that day and they go through the pictures. Now, come on, guys, when you were growing up, did you play, let's get dressed up in Texas? Of course not. I mean, that even sounds weird. Sure, you didn't play like that, but your wife did as a little girl. Guys, do you ask your friends to come over to the house? Hey, come on over, Harry, Joe. Look at our wedding pictures. And I'll show you what the puxas look like and how I trim my beard that day. Oh, man, well, have a great time. Are you kidding me? Sure, you don't think like that, but your wife does. And that's why the anniversary is so important to her and it may not mean that much to you, but it is important to her. So when you forget it, it strikes at her heart. You haven't left the bag a perfume. You've thought about you and not her. And by the way, guys, it doesn't matter how much you spend. That's not the issue. Let's say you've got two choices. Number one choice for the anniversary. You can buy her a new Mercedes. Or number two choice, you can take her for a walk in the park and you can sit on the bench and tell her how much you love her and appreciate her. And if you had it to do all over again, you'd marry her again. And then on the way out of the park, you find a smooth little rock and you pick it up and you take it home, wash it off and you write the date on it. Our 15th anniversary or whatever. Now let me ask you, when she's 93 years old and you've been dead for 10 years, what's going to be on the mantle over the fireplace, a picture of the Mercedes or that rock? You know, you know what's going to be on the mantle. You see, it's not about how much you spend. For us guys, if somebody gave us a Mercedes, he's like, oh, Jesus, the greatest guy in the world, look what he gave me. If you give your wife a Mercedes, she's probably going to think, why is he trying to buy me off? See, it's not about the money, it's not about the expansiveness of the gift, it's about your heart. And it's about the fact that you showed you love her and she is a treasure to you. What you're doing is you're cherishing her. That's what the Bible teaches. Now you figure out the ways to do it. I've just tried to give you a few examples and shown you a couple out of song as Solomon. You figure out how to do it in your family that makes a significant impression on your wife. But the main thing is cherish her. Cherish her. Some practical ways to esteem your wife very quickly. You show a steam to your wife when you say, I'm so proud of the way you handled that. When you speak highly of her in front of others, when you open the door for her, you show that she's a treasure. You cherish her. You honor her. When you try something new with her, well, I don't want to do that. I don't want to go there. What God would ever want to try something new with her shows that you want to be with her, that you love her, you cherish her, you like her interests. When you give her encouragement by praise, with kindness, enthusiasm, when you notice something different about her hair and her clothes, every once in a while guys just take a real close look and make sure if anything's different, you recognize it. You say something about it. If it's something that is bad, then just don't even notice it. If it's good, say something about it. You say that's hypocritical. No, no, that's just wisdom. That's just wisdom. You show a stain to your wife when you're physically affectionate with her in public. I'm not talking about over the top. I'm talking about reaching for her hand. I'm talking about slipping your arm around her shoulder in public. And there are certain places where you need to be careful how far you go with that. One of those places is in church that you're not a distraction to people with how far you go with public affection. But you understand what I mean. When you teach the children to show her respect, you're esteeming her. When you value her opinion in areas where you disagree, you don't just talk down to her and beat her down, but you talk as an equal and you value her a stain. You esteem her opinion and her viewpoint, even if you disagree. When you choose family outings over guy things, that doesn't mean you can never do guy things. We all have to do guy things. And we'll talk about that and women understanding that when we get to women respecting your wives. But every once in a while, cancel the guy thing in order to do something with your wife. That'll speak volumes to her. When you make her feel first and important when you're proud of her and everything she does, lots of ways, guys, to esteem your wife. I read a story this week, and I'll close with this. I read a story about Roger and Becky's Zerby. Roger's Zerby was suffering with early onset Alzheimer's disease. And his wife, Becky, recalls a time after a day of particularly troubling about a forgetfulness. He was still able to recognize what was going on, but he'd forgotten several things that day. He was very troubled by it, and he wrote her a note and put it on her pillow that night. This is what it said. Honey, today fear is taking over. The day is coming when all my memories of this life we share will be gone. In fact, you and the boys will be gone from me. I will lose you, even as I am surrounded by you and your love. I don't want to leave you. I want to grow old in the warmth of memories. Forgive me for leaving so slowly and painfully. When Becky read that, blinking back the tears, she picked up her pen and wrote him a note. This is what it said, my sweet husband. What will happen when we get to the point when you no longer know me? I will continue to go on loving you and caring for you, not because you know me or remember me or our life, but because I remember you. I will remember the man who proposed to me and told me he loved me. The look on his face when his children were born, the father he was, the way he loved our extended family. I will recall his love for riding, hiking and reading his tears at sentimental movies, the unexpected woody remarks and how he held my hand while we prayed. I cherish the pleasure, obligation, commitment and opportunity to care for you because I remember you. I know the shoes on the other foot in that example, but guys put that shoe on your foot. Will you love your wife like that? No matter what life brings, no matter what valley you're called upon to go through, will you love your wife like that? Will you love her to the very end? No matter what happens, will you demonstrate your love to her? Will you honor her? Will you praise her? Will you cherish her with everything in you? Let's pray. Father, thank you for the reminder from your word. Indeed, the challenge, the rebuke from your word. To love our wives as Christ loved the church. To honor, praise and esteem our wives. To love our wives. To cherish our wives. I pray that we would keep before us the example of Christ who stopped at nothing, who went all the way to the cross, to death, for us, and then help us to remember that we are called upon, yes, commanded to love our wives as Christ loved the church. Lord, help us to remember that it's not about us. It's about our wives and about how they feel, what they think, and the way they process things and understanding that and loving them in that way. Help us, Lord, to be better husbands. Help us to be more committed to our wives and to love them in ways that will show that, even in symbolic gestures that will demonstrate how we treasure them. Thank you for your love for us in Jesus' name. Amen.