How To Respect Your Husband

A number of months ago, actually almost a year ago, I guess it was, maybe longer than that. I don't remember exactly. The Lord began to impress on my heart that at some point I needed to preach a series on marriage. And I was just kind of waiting for the right time and praying and asking God for guidance in the timing of that. And as I saw what was happening through the spring in our country and kind of culminating with the Supreme Court overturning the Defense of Marriage Act in June, I thought, yes, now as a time, our culture has abandoned a biblical perspective on marriage. And as a church, we need to be brought back to that and not be influenced by the loud voices all around us that are saying what this book teaches is antiquated and outdated and not for our culture. We need to be brought back to that, to the Word of God. And also, another burden upon my heart has just been for marriages in general because so many families are struggling today. And our pastors see that all the time. So many couples are struggling and it is important that we understand not just culturally what is right and what is morally the teaching of God's Word, but personally for our own homes and families what the Word of God teaches. In order to build a good marriage, in order to have good and godly homes. And so that was the motivation for this particular series of messages. In the last four messages we've been looking at what a wife needs most according to Ephesians 5 and that is love. And today we're going to start talking ladies about what your husbands need most in the marriage. And it may surprise you at first, you may be thinking something else. But the Bible says, the greatest need for your husband and your marriage is for respect. Now we've already seen how we came to that conclusion. Let's notice it again. Ephesians chapter 5 beginning in verse 22, Paul describes the role of a wife and then the role of a husband in the marriage. And he lays out quite clearly and in great detail what each husband and wife should do. But at the end he summarizes everything he teaches in one verse, two clear principles in verse 33. He says, however, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband. So the husband's responsibility is summarized in that principle of loving his wife as himself, as a part of himself and in the greater passage as Christ loved the church. The wife's responsibility is summarized in that statement. The wife should respect her husband. So that leads me to believe that if Paul says that's the summary of everything, those are the two most important ingredients in a marriage relationship. That a husband loves his wife and that a wife respect her husband. Now ladies, we're going to be talking to you today, guys, you can listen in. In fact, take copious notes, guys, for your wives, okay? We're going to talk today about what it means to respect your husband. I want to throw another couple of verses up on the screen for you this morning in 1st Peter chapter 3, which also is sort of to teach this same concept. Peter tells wives, just like Paul does, Peter says, why is in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that if any of them do not believe the word, he's talking here about an unbeliever as a husband, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives. Now notice this next phrase. This is what I want to key on. When they see the purity and reverence of your lives, the idea, and we'll get to this passage later in this series, the next to last message I hope to do is going to be from this passage on living with an unbelieving spouse. But I just want to point out one principle from this passage this morning. It's in the very last few words that a husband can be won to Christ as he witnesses day in and day out, not only the purity of your life as a wife, but also the reverence of your life. And when you see that, you probably immediately think, oh, reverence for God, right? Well yes, obviously, but in the context, that's not what he's talking about. He's talking about respect for your husband. I'm not going to take the time to develop that thought this morning, but he goes on in the passage to talk about that wives should respect their husbands like. And he uses example of Sarah and Abraham. And he said, and I still love the way the King James says it, that Sarah referred to him as Lord. I kind of like the sound of that, you know, I've tried to get Jeanne to call me Lord John for years. And somehow it just doesn't stick. But actually the Greek word for Lord Krias is a word which also meant sir. It was a term of respect. And so what he's really talking about in that passage is that wives should reverence, what kind of reverence should they see? Yeah, yeah, obviously reverence for God. That's there. But in the context, he's talking about respect for your husband, even in the way you speak to him. That's what Peter's talking about. So we want to develop over the next three, four, ten weeks, however long it takes, the wife's role of respecting her husband, okay? That was intended to be funny. You can go ahead and laugh. Women here's what I want to communicate in these messages. You need to learn to respect and appreciate six values that your husband holds dear. In fact, I'm going to make the case that God has instinctively built these values into a man. This is what it means to be a man. And you need to understand and respect these. And we're going to use this acronym, CHARES. We use a six-letter acronym for the ladies. We'll do equal time for the men and their needs and how God has made them. The C in CHARES stands for CONQUEST. And what we're talking about there is the man's desire to work and achieve. To work and achieve. We'll develop that a little bit later. CH stands for HIGHER ARCHIE, which has to do with his desire to protect and provide. A has to do with ATHORITY, which has to do with a man's desire to SERVE and LEAD. I stands for INSIGHT, which has to do with his desire to ANALYSE and COUNCEL. CHARES stands for RELATIONSHIP. This refers to your husband's desire for a SHOLDER to SHOLDER relationship in his marriage. And then S stands for SEXUALITY. That's his desire for SEXUAL INTEMACY in the relationship. Now, these are not original with me. These six concepts are developed very well in, as I've mentioned before, Emerson Egrich's book Love and Respect. He does a great job of outlining these things. I'm just seeking to find them in the Scriptures, and they are there, and talk about what the Scriptures say about them. But these are the six things that God has built instinctively into your husband, ladies. These really are the ways that He reflects the image of God. This is the way God has made Him instinctively. He has placed in Him these basic desires. Now, all of them can be twisted by our sin nature, and all of them are, in some cases. But God has made us men this way. This describes the typical male. Let me summarize it this way. A man sees himself, generally, as the one that should, to use the acronym, share the relationship, or be in the driver's seat in the relationship. Now, I know that's not politically correct. I don't care. I really don't. I could care less about it. I could not. Care less about political correctness. I do care a lot about biblical correctness. And the Bible clearly lays out a structure for the home. In some refashion, it's found in 1 Corinthians 113. Look at the verse on the screen. Paul says, but I want you to know that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of the woman, and the head of Christ is God. There is a structure even in the Trinity, Paul says, that has to do with leadership and helping or submitting or following. Even in the Trinity, the Father is the head of Christ. Now, does that mean that He dominates over Christ? That is, the Christ is inferior to Him? No, no, no, not at all. Christ and the Father are equal. There is a perfect equality in nature, in person, in power, in all their attributes, all their characteristics equal. But in order for the plan of salvation to function properly, God, the Father, devised a plan in cooperation with the Spirit and the Son, and the Son faithfully and in obedience to the Father, carried out that plan, took a role of helper in the plan or submissive role. The Father was leading, in that sense, the head, the leader over Christ is God. And then the Bible says, move on down a notch from there, and you find that Christ is the head over the man. You see, the man is under submission too, but he is under submission to Christ as the real head of the home. And then in the structure, in the home, it is clear, the Bible says it, the man is the head of the woman. So I believe God has instinctively built that into men. That's the way God has established order and relationships and a husband, a man, naturally sees himself as chairing the relationship in the driver's seat. Now he may do that well in submission to his head, Christ, and in love for his wife, he may do it well or he may do it very poorly. Being over his wife, squashing her under his heels with a harsh spirit, feeling he's superior and she's inferior, he may do it very poorly. But how a man exercises that leadership does not nullify the fact that God has established that order. And a lot of folks today are trying to overturn the order because of the abuse of it. What we need to do is correct the abuse of it and maintain the biblical order. And that's what we're going to try to do in these next few messages. I believe that a man's relationship to his wife is directly tied to his relationship to Christ. And as he properly sees Christ as his head, he will properly be able to lead his family and lead his wife. But what does that mean for you, wives? What is it about your man that God has built instinctively into him that you need to understand and respect? The first part of how God has made him in his image has to do with conquest. So let's talk about respect and conquest and we need to begin with what that word means because immediately some of you are going in directions that you shouldn't go. Sometimes, it sounds like this word conquest sounds like the dark ages male chauvinism. You know that a man's right is to conquer a woman, physically, sexually, mentally, emotionally to put her in her place, put her down. And that's not at all what I mean by the word. It's not what the Bible means by the concept either. What I mean by this word is the natural, inborn desire of a man to conquer the challenges of his world. In this way, his desire to work and achieve. God has placed that within the nature and the heart and the mind of a man to go out and conquer his world, to work and achieve in his work. That is a part of how we men reflect the Creator, the image of God in doing his work. And ladies, you need to understand how important his work is to him and how that is his way of reflecting the image of God in him. Respect and honor him for his work. That's what we're talking about here. His desire to work and achieve. Now, where is this found in Scripture? Glad you asked. It is seen in the first man and the first job. So look with me, please, at Genesis chapter 2. In this very foundational chapter of Scripture, the Bible points out this concept, this idea of that we're calling conquest, the desire of a man to work and achieve and how important that is to him points it out in the first man and the first job. In Genesis 2, we have a more complete description of the creation of man, which is briefly alluded to in chapter 1. In chapter 1, just says God created man in his image, in his image God created him male and female, he created him, he gave him dominion over the earth and told him to subdue the earth. But in chapter 2, you have a more complete description of how it happened, how Adam was created and how everything took place. I want you to begin with me in verse 7. Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils, the breath of life and the man became a living being. Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east and Eden and there he put the man he had formed. The Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground, trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food in the middle of the garden where the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Verse 10. A river watering the garden flowed from Eden and there it was separated into four head waters. Now, what we have here is a description of God creating man and putting him in a perfect environment and that environment provided food and drink for him, trees which provided food, rivers of fresh water which provided water for him to drink. So his needs are taken care of in that way. But skip down to verse 15. The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. Now please note that this first man is given a job and his job in Eden is to take care of the garden, literally to cultivate, to till, to work the soil. Now granted it was easier at this time because there was no curse yet so there weren't weeds and thorns and all that kind of thing but he still had to work the garden. He had to take care of the garden. I've made him to work. This is before Eve has been created. So before he has another human relationship, he has given a job. That's how important that is to a man. It was the first thing God gave him to do. This is before sin came into the world. This is before the fall. That's in chapter 3. And so don't misunderstand this. Some people think that work is a part of the curse which is the result of sin, not at all. Now God did curse the ground and he told Adam it's going to be harder for you to work. You're going to have to deal with thorns and thistles and weeds and all that stuff now. So you're going to get what you get out of the ground by the sweat of your brow. It's going to be harder but Adam was working the soil before sin ever entered the world. Which indicates that work is man's vocation. That's what God wants him to do. Before he ever had a family, he had a job. Before sin ever came into the world, he had a job. God has instinctively built that into us as men, the desire, the drive to conquer our world in the sense of working and achieving in the workplace. That is built into man from creation. But not only is it seen. Just by the way, I've got to get this in. Eden was not a place of handouts. That could have been. It was a perfect place. There was nothing to disturb the growth patterns of the trees, no blight, no death. And there were plenty of trees to provide food, plenty of water to provide drink. Adam was still given a job to cultivate, to till, to work the ground. There were no free handouts in Eden. It's not the way God intended it. Man is to work. And he's built that into us. Especially as men. That's a part of our psyche. It's a part of the way we think. It's a part of our heart. It's a part of our drive and instinct to work and achieve in the workplace. But not only is it seen in the first man and the first job, it's also seen in the first question. You know this, what is the first question that men often ask each other when they meet each other? What do you do? What's your job? What do you do for a living? That's the first thing on our minds. I mean, you know, I'm a pastor and I know that there are much deeper level of conversations that should take place. And yet when I first meet someone, that's the first thing that comes to my mind. What do you do for a living? You need to find out because men like to converse on that level. Why? Because it's a part of who we are. It's a part of the way we identify ourselves. It's by our work. God has created us to do something in the field to use the expression of Eden. He's created us to do something productive in the workplace. And it's a part of how he's made us. So yeah, that's the first question that comes to our minds when we see another guy. What do you do for a living? What's your job? Take a hear about it. Now, typically a woman will ask about family, children, those kinds of things. But a man's going to ask about the job. Is that because, oh, he's just not concerned about family and relationships? No. It's because it's the way God wired us. He built it into us from creation. By the way, it doesn't take long to see this tendency when you're raising children, does it? And the difference in the way boys and girls play. Notice it. Those of you who have boys, we had to wait for grandsons. But I can faintly remember being a boy. And I remember that boys play different than girls. Just watch your little guys. What do they do? They tear stuff down. They build stuff back up. They grab whatever they can. Until then, it's a tool. They go whacking away at everything. You know, furniture, TV, whatever. With knobs and they want to ride trucks and cars and all those things because that's a part of what God has built into those little guys. And so it's just naturally coming out. They're expressing the natural drive that God has placed in them to do something productive, to conquer their world, to work and achieve. God has made us men for adventure and conquest in the workplace. It's a part of what drives us. And it's a divinely given instinct, I believe, built into a creation. But not only is it seen in the first man and the first job, not only is it seen in the first question we typically ask, it's also seen in the first desire. Now, here's why I want to ask you to look deep into your own soul and heart, both men and women. And I think you'll find that what the Bible teaches is true. I want to develop it first and then we'll look at it in the Bible. But the first desire of a man has to do with achieving in the workplace, not so with a woman, typically. Now, please, don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that women have no desired work. Women have always worked. Maybe through the centuries, their jobs have geared around their family, their children, their home. Certainly, women are quite capable of going into the workplace and achieving high levels of workmanship. No question about that. I'm not saying that women can't work or shouldn't work outside the home. I'm just saying, look deeply into your soul at what your first desire and inclination is. For a man, it has to do with the job. It has to do with work. Typically, for a woman, God has built into her the instinct, the desire to keep her home, to mother her children, to nurture her family. It is home making and motherhood. Now, if a woman works outside the home, typically, she wants to see a career as a choice that she has. It's not always a choice in order to meet the standard of living that we've become accustomed to in the Western world. It's not always a choice and I understand that quite often, especially in most young families, both parents work outside the home. It's not always a choice, but still, if you're honest with yourself deep down in your heart, most women instinctively would rather the career be a choice and option for them. They really, in their hearts, they are built to nurture their families. A man is built instinctively from Adam before sin in the garden to work in the field, to work a job, to achieve in the workplace. And ladies, it doesn't mean he doesn't love his family. Be very careful about criticism of your husband for his commitment to his job. You're cutting at the very core of who God has made him. Now I understand also that some men are workaholics and they shift the balance way out of balance toward work and neglect their homes and there needs to be some adjustment there, obviously, but women be careful about how you criticize your husband and his work and his commitment to it. Because that's how God is hard-wired him. It's how God created him. It's how God made him. That's where he finds the expression of God's image in his world. No amount of social engineering is going to turn that upside down. No amount of tinkering by the social engineers of our day is going to change that God-given instinct of a man to achieve and work and a woman to nurture her family. Again, it doesn't mean a woman can't work outside the home. Many do and do it very well. I'm talking about the first desire, that natural instinct that God's built into you. Now, how does that find its way in Scripture? Let's look at a few verses on the screen. First of all, 1 Thessalonians 2 and verse 7, we're Paul's talking about the nature of his ministry among the Thessalonians and he says, although we could have insisted on our own importance as apostles of Christ, yet we became infants in your midst. His point there is I could have pulled rank on you guys. I could have come in and said, hey. I'm an apostle. Now, buck up and do what I say. But he didn't do that. He didn't abuse that position. He said, I was like an infant. In other words, I took the lowest position among you. And then notice the example he gives, like a nursing mother cherishes her own children. Instinctively, a mother has a heart for nurturing her own children. And Paul uses that as an example of the instinctive nature of his ministry, that he did not do it in a domineering way. He did his ministry in a nurturing way. Now, a few verses later, we'll talk about the example of a father and how he also ministered like a father. But here he talks about ministering like a mother. And ministering as a mother has to do with how you nurture, how you cherish those in your family. That's the natural instinct. So that's the reason why Paul tells Titus in Titus chapter 2. And verse 4, he said in the earlier verses, teach older women to be godly women, basically. And then he says, in order that they, the older women, might encourage the young women, now notice how the older women are to teach the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be self-controlled, pure, busy at home, good, being subject to their own husbands in order that the word of God may not be slandered. In order for the reputation of the word of God to be maintained, there are two basic categories of teaching for older women to build into younger women. One is purity of character, or three words in that passage that describe that. And the rest of them all have to do with the home, and nurturing husband and children in the home. Again, doesn't mean a wife cannot work outside the home. Because that's necessary, sometimes it's an option you choose. But it does mean the first desire, again, the natural instinct of a woman is to nurture her family, that is not the first natural desire and instinct of a man. It's well illustrated in an Old Testament story of Jacob. Look at these two verses, and then we'll kind of, well, let me introduce the story first. Jacob has been working for his father-in-law, Laban, for 20 years to pay off the dowry as it were for his wife, Rachel. And he kind of got Lea thrown in on the side, you know how that worked. But really he was working for Rachel. 20 years, he has worked for his father-in-law to fulfill that obligation. And he comes to the end of that, and he's frustrated. And he says, in anger to his father-in-law, he said to him, you yourself know how I have served you and how your livestock have been with me, for you had little before me, and it has increased abundantly. And Yalway has blessed you wherever I turned. Now notice this question, which expresses what's really on his heart. So then when shall I provide for my own family also? You see Jacob's heart? Jacob's heart is to be in the workplace providing for his family. And he feels like he's worked 20 years for his father-in-law to benefit him. And now he wants to do that for his family. That's the instinctive desire of his heart to achieve something in the workplace. You need to understand that's how God has built your man. That's how he has made us men. One quest is the desire to work and achieve in the work world. God has made us conquer that world. And to have conquest in that world, you need to understand your husband's desire in that area. So ladies, let me give you some practical ways. You can respect his desire to work and achieve. This is the practical application of these scriptural principles. Your husband will feel that you appreciate his desire to work and achieve when you do these things. When you tell him verbally or in writing that you value his work, you appreciate what he does. You have no idea what that will do for your husband. Secondly, when you express your faith in him related to his chosen field of work, if you constantly bad your hand about why don't you get a job like so and so, your cutting is hard out. Showing that you value the work that he has chosen to do. Thirdly, when you listen to his work stories as closely as you expect him to listen to what happens in the family. And that goes both ways, but we've already talked about the men listening, right? Remember, it's not about the nail. You just listen, okay? But ladies, you need to listen to what goes on in his world. Number four, when you allow him to dream as you did when you were dating. Remember when you were dating and he said, you know, when I grow up, I want to do this. I really would like to accomplish this in my life. You know what? He may still be dreaming at 60. And you're saying, you're ever going to grow up or you're going to come on. And be satisfied with your job. Let him dream. That spirit of conquest of conquering his world, of reaching out in maybe even new areas, is a part of the way God's made us. So don't put him down for that. And then lastly, if you do not and please do not dishonor or criticize his work in the field, to try to get him to spend more time with the family. Now again, I want to balance that. If he's a workaholic, maybe he needs to spend more time with the family. Somebody needs to help him with that balance. But remember, God has built him with the instinct, with the desire to conquer his world in the field, before sin ever came into the world, before any twisting of the legitimate desire to work. God gave man a job and a desire to work that job. And that's a part of how we're made. So be careful, be careful, ladies, how you criticize or undermine or dishonor him in that desire. Okay? Request or respect and conquest. Well, let's move on. There's a second way that God has made man in his image and that has to do with hierarchy. So let's talk about respect and hierarchy. But I also recognize the need to describe a little bit more what that word means, what hierarchy means. Some of you will hear that word and you'll think, oh boy, here it goes, male domination, men are superior, women are inferior, he gets to squash me under his heels and put me down. And that is not what hierarchy means. That is not what structure and order and leadership means, not at all. It's not at all what it means in the Bible. There have been those who have used this concept of leadership and submission or hierarchy that there are certain levels of leadership in the home. Some people have used that in ignorant ways, even abusive ways, even in evil ways. And then when they were asked why they do that, oh, the Bible says it, the Bible teaches that. No, the Bible does not teach that. The Bible does not teach an abusive domination of a woman. The Bible does not teach that. What neither does the Bible teach what the feminist teach today either, that there is a complete equality of position in the family or anywhere else for that matter, including the church, and that there is no hierarchy or leadership and submission. The Bible doesn't teach that feminist stuff either. Now, again, I know I'm not politically correct, but again, I could care about that. I do not want to be politically correct with all of my heart. I want to be biblically correct. I want to make sure that I'm reflecting what this book teaches. And both extremes are out of line. For a male to abuse that position of leadership is totally out of line with what the Scriptures teach. For a woman to say, forget this headship and submission stuff, that went out with the 19th century. What are you talking about? It's also out of line. So what is the Bible talking about when it talks about headship and submission or leadership, hierarchy in the home? Here's what it means. What the Bible is talking about is your husband's desire, God-given desire, to protect and provide for his family. You say, well, let's kind of convene that you would choose those words. Oh, I didn't choose them. I didn't choose them. It's biblical. Let's go back to Ephesians 5. Ephesians 5. Remember the example of Jesus? Jesus is the example of how a husband is to conduct his leadership in the home. Remember Christ is the head of the man. The man is the head of the woman. First Corinthians says, and in Ephesians 5, the example is given of Christ and the church. And the way that Christ exercises his leadership, his oversight of the church is the same way husbands are to do that of their wives. That's the whole point of the example. And so he says in verse 25, husbands love your wives and he's already talked about wives who submit their selves to their husbands. We'll get to that in a minute because the husband is the head of the wife in verse 23. So he says, husband, do you love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her? How did Christ exercise his leadership in the church? How did he love the church? He gave himself up for us. He sacrificed for us. You know what he did? He expressed his desire to provide for us and protect us. He went to the cross for two reasons. Number one, to provide for us forgiveness of sin and salvation. Number two, to protect us from the righteous wrath of God against our sin. That's exactly what the cross was all about. It was to protect us, to bear the punishment for our sin. He died for you and he died for me. He died for our sin. Why did he die for my sin? He took God's wrath for our sin on him thus protecting us from God's wrath and enabling God to then provide for us a relationship with him through salvation, through forgiveness of sin. So the whole point of the cross was to protect and to provide. And that's why Paul goes on to say in verse 28, in this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He loves his wife loves himself. They're all no one ever hated their own body, but they look here, feed and care for their body. You could just as easily put the words provide and protect there because those are the two ideas. We feed our body. We provide nourishment for our body. We take care of our body. The idea is that we cherish it. We treat it as something special when it's under attack, when there's a disease, when there's an accident. We have a natural instinct to protect ourselves, our bodies. What happens when you see a car coming to a red light, you instinctively draw back because you have a natural instinct to protect yourself. What he's saying is the husband should love his wife in this sense, like Christ did the church of providing and protecting. That's how we exercise our leadership, man. And that's how God has made us to exercise leadership in the home. We're providing for our wives and protecting our wives. That's what Jesus did for us. Now both of those are taught in other places in Scripture too. We just have time to look at these verses. First Timothy 5.8, where Paul is talking to Timothy in his leadership of the Ephesian church, where Timothy is pastoring. And he says to Timothy, he says, but if someone does not provide, notice that we're provide for his own relatives, and especially the members of his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than unbelievers. Do you see how importantly God takes this? Do you see the value God places on this? Because he's instinctively built us as men. If you don't take care of your own family, it's worse than denying the faith. It's worse than being. And I still like the old King James word, being an infidel. Turn your back on the faith. That's how importantly God takes this concept of providing. But there's an example also of protecting. You remember the story of Nehemiah? Nehemiah went to Jerusalem to help rebuild the city walls. They'd lay in ruins for a long time, 80 years. Yeah, 80 years. The other figured my wives how long it took them to repair them, 52 days. In this project of repairing the walls, they got halfway into the project, 26 days, and the people are getting discouraged because of the threats of attack from the enemy. Sandballot and Tobaya and the other guys in the area are threatening to attack them and saying, you're puny little wall. If a fox walked on it, it would fall over. So they're ridiculing them, they're threatening them with attack, and the people are getting discouraged and they want to quit. And so Nehemiah rallies the troops and you know he knows what will appeal to these men. So this is his half time speech in this verse. He says, and I looked, got up and said to the nobles, prefects, and the rest of the people. Here's his speech. Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, which is the most important thing, but then he goes on. Remember the Lord who is great and awesome and fight, notice, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses. You know what he did in the middle of the project? He reorganized the work teams and he spread them out, read the chapter. He spread them out at places in the wall that were closest to their own homes. And he said, here's what I'm challenging you to do. You fight, and you fight for your own sons and daughters and wives and families and your own houses. Well, he knew that would rally the troops. He knew that half time speech would get him running out and say, we're going to finish this thing. Why? Because God has built into a man to protect his family. To provide and protect. That's what I mean by hierarchy. You know why God's given a man a leadership position in the home because he's built into him a natural instinct to protect his family and to provide for his family. Just like Christ has done for us. And so the Bible teaches this from a leadership submission perspective. Quickly the hierarchy from a biblical perspective. If you look here in Ephesians 5, back to verse 22, wives submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. So the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, which is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wife should submit to their husbands in everything. Now again, this is not some kind of Lord at all over, push you down, put you in your place kind of leadership. It's a leadership that instinctively says, I have a God-given drive to protect you and to provide for you and to lead you in a godly way. And what God is saying to a woman is submit yourself to that. Literally the word submit is a combination word. It comes from two words which means to rank under or to place under. And literally what Paul is saying is that wives, you are to place yourself under his protection and provision. That's the way it's supposed to work. Placing yourself under his protection and provision. The Ephesians 5 pattern, God's pattern for a marriage is that a husband loves his wife and desires to protect her and provide for her. And the wife places herself under his protection and provision and becomes his helper to enable him to do that well. And so if you're constantly criticizing your husband's job, tearing down what he does in the workplace, then you are undermining your own place of protection and provision. That's what God is saying here. Now obviously the ideal is ruined sometimes by men who abuse their position or by women who buy into the feminist argument that headship and submission is outdated. Do you see the reason why God structured it this way? It's to flow from Christ in the church. Christ loves the church and moves to protect her and provide for her. And that's the way a husband has to lead his family. Loving his wife in a way that protects her and provides for her. And that is the way God made the family the marriage to work. Ladies you must respect that hierarchy. If you don't respect his desire to protect and provide your undermining your own home, for instance, let me just make it very plain. If you're in the workplace also and let's say your income is higher than your husband's and you feel that's a bargaining chip that gives you the right to have leadership because you make more than he does, you're violating the God-given structure of the home. If you make more than he does, that's wonderful. Doesn't mean you just give it all to him. You work together on those things. But it does not mean that you run the home either. You're violating God's intent if you do that. Now quickly, how do you break his spirit? Please don't try this at home. I just want you to be aware of this. Here's how to break your husband's spirit. Put him down in the area of protecting and providing for his family and you will break his spirit. I read about a couple that was taking some friends of theirs through their house and God had given them the opportunity and the means to build a very lavish home. It was appointed with the finest of furnishings and everything. Their friends wanted to see it and so they were taking them on a tour of the home. As they were coming down the steps from upstairs where they'd seen all the bedrooms and several bathrooms and just opulent lavish furnishings, the wife who was visiting with her husband, looked at her husband and said, well, I think you need to get another job. Immediately everybody in the room could see his face drop and the life just drain out of him. Why? Because she had in front of others attacked. What God had built him to do to provide for his family, to protect his family, to achieve in the workplace. It may not be to the level that she wanted but she attacked him at his core at his heart. That's how to break his spirit. How do you build his spirit? I love the story of Evie Hill, the great black preacher in Los Angeles. I've heard him preach several times before he died. He was just a great man of God. Pastor Mountain Zion missionary Baptist Church in Los Angeles. His wife Jane died a few years before he did die of cancer and he preached her funeral. I've read the transcript of that message. When he was talking about his wife, he described some of the ways that she had made him a better man and he told a story. He told a story about when he was a young preacher. They had trouble earning a living. He was in a very small church and he wasn't being paid much of anything and so he had trouble earning a living. He came home one night and found his wife sitting at the small table in their kitchen with two candles lit and food prepared. A candle light dinner. She said, honey, we're going to have a candle light dinner tonight. And she said, wow, it sounds good. So he walks in through the bedroom to the bathroom to wash his hands to get ready and flips the light switch and nothing happens. So he walks back into the bedroom and finds the light switch flips it. Nothing comes on. So he walked back to the kitchen and said, hey, why is there no power? What's happened? This is what he said, she said. She began to cry. You work so hard and we're trying. But it's pretty rough right now and I just didn't have the money to pay the light bill. I didn't want you to find that out till after we'd had our candle light dinner. And then he went on to describe his wife's words with intense emotion. He says, she could have said, I've never been in this situation before. I was reared in the home of Dr. Karothers. We never had our lights turned off. She could have broken my spirit. He said, she could have ruined me. She could have demoralized me. But instead, she said somehow or other, we'll get those lights back on. But tonight we're going to enjoy candle light dinner. You verbalize your admiration for him for what he does to protect you and provide for you. And you will build him up. You empathize when he reveals that male mindset of competing in the workplace and some of the struggles that go along with that. You empathize with that. You listen and you'll build him up. Don't ever mock the idea of having to look up to him as the leader of the home. Never in word or body language put down his job or how much he makes. If you're always ready in times of hardship to light the candles and make the best out of it, rather than shooting him down because he hasn't provided enough. God has built within the heart of every man the desire to work and achieve, the desire to provide and protect. And ladies, you can either build up your home or you can tear it down with your words, with your words. We don't have the time, but I would encourage you to read through Proverbs. Proverbs 141 says, a wise woman builds your home, foolish woman tears it down with her own hands. Proverbs 1821 says, the tongue has the power of life and death. Proverbs 1218 and 2518 talk about words being like a sword, a club and an arrow. You can literally destroy someone with your words. And ladies, you can destroy your husband like you took a club to him, like you took a sword to him, like you shot through his heart with an arrow if you attack him with your words. That's why Proverbs 219 says, it's better to dwell in the corner of the rooftop than with a quarrelsome wife. Rift tops were flat in the homes in the Middle East still are in older places there today. And sometimes you could go up on the corner of the flat rooftop, usually stairs on the outside that went up there and you could find a place kind of a refuge to be alone and be quiet. Proverbs says, better to be up there than in the house over the quarrelsome wife. But what if she finds out you're up there? That's why he goes on in 1st 19 to say, better to dwell in the desert. Then with a quarrelsome wife. If the rooftop doesn't work, try the desert. Maybe that'll work. You get the point, guys. You get the point, ladies. The wise woman builds up her home, a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands and with her tongue. Be careful not to attack your man. What he needs more from you than anything else is your respect. Your respect of his God-given desire to work and achieve in the workplace. Your respect of his God-given drive and desire to protect and provide for his family. And when you're driving along in the car and you hit a patch ice and you hit the brakes and he says, let off the brakes. He's not doing that to try to demean you. That's his God-given instinct, surfacing to protect you. Please understand that, ladies. Respect your husbands. Let's pray together. Father, Father, Father, Father, Calls us to desire submission to your word and not allegiance to our culture and the way that biblical truth has been maligned and misrepresented. Father, help us to realize you know what's best and you have designed the home for the husband to express his desire to work and achieve and to protect and provide for his family. And I pray that as wives, the women here will understand the need to respect their husbands for those things that God has built into them and support and encourage that and never demean that, never attack that. Father, help us to have the kinds of marriages that will reflect Christ and His church. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.