Living With an Unbelieving Mate

Well, we are nearing the end of a series of messages that we've been in for almost six months, and that is a series on the home, particularly on marriage. And we've spent a good bit of time talking about husband and wife roles. How husband is commanded in the Scriptures to love his wife and a wife is commanded in the Scriptures to respect her husband. Then we followed that up with talking about seven keys to harmony in the home, and we've looked at handling conflict relating to parents, communication, unselfishness, love, honesty, and finances. Before we close out the series, and I begin a new series in January on the Gospel of John, I want to deal with two specific situations that relate to the home, but are a little bit different than your average speaking about husband and wife relationship. One of them is how to live with an unbelieving mate, which we'll talk about this morning, and then next week we'll finish up the series with a message on when it all comes crashing down. I want to talk some about what the Bible says about divorce and how to deal with that, because that is an ever present reality, sad to say, even in many Christian homes. And so we'll deal with these two special topics today. However, living with an unbelieving mate, and our text today is 1 Peter 3. So I invite your attention to 1 Peter 3. Please locate it and follow along with me. We will pretty much stay with this passage today. In 1 Peter 3, this is what Peter says beginning in verse 1, wives in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands, so that if any of them do not believe the word, they may be one over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornments, such as elaborate hairstyles, and the wearing of gold jewel your fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past, who put their hope in God, used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham, and called him her Lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. It's obvious that the passage before us is directed to a wife who is living with an unbelieving husband. But in general, the principles that are addressed by Peter can apply to the flip situation, a believing husband with an unbelieving wife. At least in general terms, the principles apply, and the principles that we will see in relating to unbelieving spouses relate also to all of us, in how we relate to unbelievers, particularly those who are resistant to the gospel. And so I think there's something for all of us here this morning. If you don't fit the narrow category today of a wife with an unbelieving husband, don't zone out, don't find yourself taking a long winter's nap, stay awake. I think there may be something for all of us here in this passage, but obviously specifically we're talking about a wife with an unbelieving husband. What I want us to do is to look first of all at the situation that Peter describes, and then we'll talk about the solution that he gives us for this particular situation. He'll do it in general terms first, and then he will lay out the specifics to exactly what he's talking about. But we need to understand the situation first. What is the situation that Peter is addressing? Look again at verse 1, wives in the same way submit to your own husbands, so that if any of them do not believe the word, they may be one over without words by the behavior of their wives. There are several observations that I think are important to understanding this situation. The first one is pretty obvious. A believing wife with an unbelieving husband. That's the situation here, at least in general terms, it is a believing wife and an unbelieving husband. But look a little deeper than that. I want you to notice something that's said in verse 1, because the situation actually goes a little bit further than just a believing wife and an unbelieving husband. This husband is described in a particular way in verse 1. In the same way, Peter says, wife, submit yourselves to your own husband, and any of them do not believe the word. That phrase do not believe the word packs a lot of punch. It actually, more specifically, means those who will not obey the word. The key thought of the, in the original language, is the idea of volition of will. They will not obey the word. They will not listen to the word. There is a really, a resistance here, a refusal to be persuaded. It's not just that this man is an unbeliever, it's not just that he's unsaid, but he is stubbornly resistant to the gospel, which indicates that several attempts possibly have been made to reach him, or he is familiar with the gospel. Maybe he has been in church, but he is resistant to the gospel, stubbornly opposed to the gospel. That really is the specific situation here. Second observation, I think, is important to recognize, is that this situation has been quite common in church history. From the very beginning, it was primarily women who gathered at the cross. One disciple, John, was there, but primarily women. It was the women who came first to the tomb, although two men found the tomb, gave the tomb and buried Jesus' body there for sure. But it has often been the case in church history that there have been more women who were followers of Christ than there were men. And it's difficult to understand why that may be the case, but I have a couple of thoughts. One is, it could be because of the natural self-sufficiency of men, that we're more self-sufficient in some ways, and thus feel like we don't need God or spiritual things. But I think a lot of the blame can lie at the feet of the church. And I'm thankful that it has not been true in this church through the years, all the way back to 1953 or shortly thereafter, we have had a great company of godly men in this church. And I thank God for that. But I know there are many, many places where that is not true. And I think sometimes the church has feminized the gospel and feminized the church to appeal to women, but not to men. And thus we have presented Christ and the church in the gospel in a way that appeals to women, but not to men. I think that's a crying shame given the fact that Jesus himself was a man, obviously, and he gathered 12 men around him to be the one who's, ones who would found the church, he intended the church to be that of both genders actively involved in the church. And so I believe sometimes it is the church itself that is to blame for this situation. A third observation I would have that I think is very critical and really is a response to a misunderstanding of this passage. This passage is not an approval of marrying an unbeliever. There are some who have looked at this passage and said, well, I guess it's okay to marry an unbeliever if the Bible tells me how to win him to Christ after we're married, right? Wrong. The Bible is very clear about marrying an unbeliever, very clear in its prohibition of that. Look at this passage in 2 Corinthians 6-14. Paul says, do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common or what fellowship can light have with darkness? Now, I must place this verse in its proper context. In the context he's talking about false religions and cultic kind of religions in Corinth and that we're not to mix Bible believing Christianity with them. But when he says, don't be yoked together with unbelievers and he describes the consequences of that, that you're charting two courses which are not the same, certainly that applies to marriage. Certainly marriage is the closest yoked union that you can have and the same principle would apply to marriage. He, Paul, does apply it to marriage specifically in 1 Corinthians 7 and verse 39. In this passage he's talking to widows and he gives them this counsel. A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives, but if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. The old is wide open, you've got your choice, but choose only among those who know Christ. Paul says, which indicates he is himself applying the principle he would give in 2 Corinthians 6, not to be unequally yoked together. You cannot reason from 1 Peter 3 that it's okay to marry an unbeliever and then the Bible tells you how to win him to the Lord afterwards. This is probably a situation where both people were unsaved when they got married and then the wife came to know the Lord. Remember we're very early in church history at this time. The gospel is just making inroads into Gentile territory. And so you probably have a situation being addressed here where both would have been unsaved when they got married. One has come to know the Lord, the other has not yet. And in that situation where a believer who has come to know Christ now finds herself in an unequal yoke, what is she to do? And by way of application the same thing could be said of a man who finds himself in that position, but this is not an approval on marrying an unbeliever. A fourth observation I would make is this. This can be very difficult for the believer. And that's obvious from what he says in the passage, the very reason that Peter felt necessary to address this topic indicates that this is a difficult situation for the believer. And you can see why it's tough on the believing wife because now their lives are pulled two different directions. It really is a living out of what Paul said in 2 Corinthians 6 that there's no union, there's no fellowship here. They're pulling two different directions. And for a believing wife you also face the situation that that which has become most important to her is not at all shared by her husband. The person who has now become the most important person in her life is not at all seen that way by her husband. And so you've got an unequal yoke here that can be difficult for the believer. But what I really want us to take a few moments to focus on is that this can also be difficult for the unbeliever. I think that's something that we often miss and we don't think about, don't pay enough attention to. I believe if we can, as believers, put ourselves in the shoes of an unbelieving mate, then it will help us to be more understanding of where they are and quite probably help us to live out Peter's principles better. If we can understand what they're feeling, what are they thinking? Every one of the things I'm going to share with you I've heard through the years of pastoral ministry said either by an unbelieving husband or by a believing wife about her husband or I've just seen it happen in practice. There are a number of ways that an unbelieving husband may respond to this unequal yoke. And one of those ways is he feels like you're just into a new kick. You know, for a while you've volunteered at the hospital and then you took up needlework and then you took up gardening and all those lasted for a little while and this is your religious kick. You know, and he's going to wait and see how long this one lasts. He does not have the spiritual capacity to understand what's happened in your heart yet until he sees it long term. So he may respond initially just thinking how long is this one going to last? I'll wait and see. Okay, let her go on to church. That's her kick for now. May take him a while to see that it's really serious that it really is a life changing course for you. A second way that I have heard husband's respond is with bewilderment. They don't know what's happened to their wife. These strange things are happening now. She wants to go to church. She's all the time reading her Bible. She seems different. It's almost like some alien has invaded her body and that's not far from the truth. The Holy Spirit has come in and made a real difference in the life. And so he just thinks something strange has happened or something's gotten into her. What is it? It's a bewilderment sometimes is the response. A third response sometimes is fear. This can be hard on an unbelieving husband simply because he's afraid of what's happening. He doesn't understand what's going on. She acts like she doesn't need me now. He may see it as a new branch of independence that maybe you're charting your own life now without him. And you're setting him up for a departure. He may be afraid of that. He may also fear the fact that you're into some cult or you've turned into some kind of religious fanatic. He doesn't understand why the sudden interest and commitment to things that you never had in the past. And so he may be afraid. Try to understand that. Another response he may have is jealousy. You're torn away from him now when you're at church. And he's smart enough to know that there are men there in that church who evidently have their same interest in religion that you do. And he wonders. He just wonders. Are you looking for someone else? Will you be attracted to someone else? He can respond with jealousy. He might even be jealous of Christ. And of the place, the primary place, the central focus that Jesus seems to be in your life now. Your love for him seems to have taken or love for Christ seems to have taken place of your love for him. And he may be jealous over that. I mean, after all, you used to go places together on Sunday. Now you want to go to church. Now you talk about Jesus all the time. He doesn't get it. And he may be jealous. He may respond. I've seen this happen with anger. He feels like something's come between you. After all, you won't go to the same parties you used to go to with him. You don't laugh at his jokes like you used to. He's looking at you thinking a fun evening for you is to go to a Bible study or church pilot dinner. Come on. What has happened? He may just flat out get angry at you. And so he may respond with anger or he may respond within difference. He may say, it's okay for you, not for me. I don't need that stuff. There are any number of ways that your husband may respond. If you come to know Christ and he's not saved. And the ones I've described are all ones that I've heard or seen. And your husband may be experiencing some of those. If you understand what he's thinking, what your new life in Christ means for him, I think it will help you to swallow what Peter's going to say a lot easier. And in fact, I think it will make you become eager to want to do what Peter says if you have an understanding of where he's coming from. So that's the situation. Unbelieving husband with a believing wife. It could apply to other combinations like that. But certainly in this case, believing wife, unbelieving husband. So what's the solution to that? What do we do? Well, look again at verse one. There is at least three things in verse one about the solution. He says, first of all, wise in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands. I'd like to stop there and say that at the very least we'll talk about exactly what that means a little bit more in just a moment. But at the very least, it means not to leave. So the solution is not to leave. You see, sometimes when a wife gets saved and her husband is not, she thinks, oh, okay, now I'm in an unequal yoke. The Bible says, don't do that. So I need to get out of this marriage, right? No. No, no. That would be the wrong move. But Peter says, is recommit yourself to the relationship with your husband that you should have. And we'll talk about that, what that means in just a moment. But certainly it does mean don't head for the divorce court. Do everything you can to keep that marriage together. Now, I understand that sometimes the unbelieving partner leaves. I understand that sometimes other situations occur that lead to divorce. And I'm going to deal with those I trust in a compassionate, biblical, Christ-honoring way next week in the message on divorce. I understand that happens. So I'm not trying to put a guilt trip on anyone here this morning who has been the innocent party in a divorce that you did not initiate or want. But what I am saying is this. Peter says, as far as you're concerned, your option is not to leave. You are not to leave. You're to remain in the marriage in submission to your husband. Paul addresses this even more specifically in 1 Corinthians chapter 7. Let me just read these verses for you. 1 Corinthians 7, beginning in verse 12, he says to the rest he's been addressing a certain situation. As far as singles are concerned, he says to the rest I say this, I, not the Lord, simply means that Jesus did not speak of this where it's recorded in Scripture. So I'm now speaking about it under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, obviously. So this is God's word. He says, I'm telling you this. If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she's willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. She's on the other foot here. Here's a believing husband with an unbelieving wife. But then he says in verse 13, and if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. In other words, the believer should never initiate a divorce simply because now you find yourself in an unequal yoke. If you get saved, your maid is not saved. Stay in the marriage. Both Peter and Paul are saying. Paul goes on to say, for the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife. And the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her unbelie- her believing husband. Otherwise, your children will be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. A lot of people have looked at that and said, what is that about? Does that mean because I'm saved? He's automatically saved? Or she's automatically saved? No, obviously not. Nobody gets into heaven on the coattails of another person. That doesn't work that way. What he is saying is this. That when you get saved, one of the reasons to stay in that home is because there's a believer in that home now, and God's blessing starts pouring into that home on that believer. And some of it kind of splashes over on the unbelievers. There's a sense in which they are set apart. That's what the word sanctified means. They are set apart for God's blessing because now there's a believer in the home. And that could lead to that unbeliever coming to no Christ, and it could lead to your children. Now that a believer is in the home, being set apart in a way that they will now hear the gospel. And they could get saved. So for crying out loud, don't leave that opportunity. He goes on to say in verse 15, but if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or sister is not bound in such circumstances. God has called us to live in peace. In other words, you do everything you can to keep the marriage together. If the unbelieving may leave, you may not be able to prevent that. That may happen, but you work toward keeping the marriage together. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband, or how do you know husband, whether you will save your wife? In other words, how do you know that God will not use you as the instrument for your whole family coming to Christ? If you walk out on them, that's not going to happen in all likelihood. So stay in the marriage. I think that's at least what verse one is saying. So the solution is not to lead. Secondly, the solution is not to pressure. It is not to put pressure on your unbelieving husband. Look again at verse one. Wives in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husband so that if any of them do not or are resistant to believing the word, they may be one over without words by the behavior of their wives. If you have a translation that says they may be one over without the word that may lead to a misunderstanding. Nobody is saved without the instrumentality of the word of God. Faith comes by hearing, hearing by the word. Peter himself will say in 1 Peter 1, 23 that the word of God is the seed which germinates eternal life in the heart of an unbeliever. So Peter knows that the word is necessary. It's not the word of God which is being spoken of here though. It's talking about the speech of the wife. If a person is resistant to the gospel which means he has heard it but has opposed it rejected it. He's resistant stubbornly opposed to the gospel. Then Peter says they may be one over without words without anybody's words. No, no, no, without the wife's words in the context here by the behavior of their wives. His point is this, don't pressure your husband to get saved. It is a mistake to lecture him. It is a mistake to preach at him. It is a mistake to continue to pressure him to go to church. It is a mistake to put tracks on his pillow at night. It's a mistake to turn the Christian radio station up full of volume so that maybe Chuck Swindle or John MacArthur can reach him. That's a mistake. You'll probably not reach them that way. And here's the reason why. Ordinarily the last person he will listen to is his wife. You know why? He lives with you. Seriously, he lives with you. Guess what? You're saved now. Are you perfect? No, no, you're not. Right answer. None of us are. By the way, to be honest with you, it's one of the difficulties preachers face. Our wives and our children see us as the real sinners we really are. You know, we don't levitate out of bed in the morning with a glow around us. You know, we get up and wipe the sleep out of our eyes like everybody else. You know, we're just fallen people like everybody else. And so your husband lives with you. He still argues with you from time to time. You're wrong sometimes. You sin sometimes. And he sees that. There is no marriage where that is not true. And so he sees that. And if you keep pushing him and pressuring him and preaching at him, that's probably what he's going to focus on. You preach to me all you want, but I really know who you are. So what Peter's saying is back off the words. If he's been unresponsive to the gospel, back off the words and work on your lifestyle. Work on your behavior. That's why he says without words, maybe one by the behavior of their wives. So there is a place when especially in a marriage relationship, an unbelieving partner has resisted attempts to reach them with the gospel verbally, where you need to back off of that and start working on fine-tuning your life. Spiritually to make a bigger impact. Now that may lead to the opportunity to have a voice again sometime, but work on your lifestyle. So the point is not to pressure him. Focus on the way you're living. And that leads to the real solution. It's not to leave. It's not to pressure. It is in verse 1, the end of the verse, a consistent, godly life. He says they may be one over without words by the behavior of their wives. Behavior, lifestyle. It's not that they'll be saved without the word somewhere along the line. Somebody's going to have to share the gospel with them. The word of God, and that's how they'll get saved. But from you, it is critical that they see a godly character. It is critical that they see a life that is consistent. So bombard them with acts of love and kindness, not with sermons and verses. Bombard them with acts of love and kindness. And that will have a greater effect, Peter is saying. Doesn't mean you should never witness to them. Don't misunderstand me. Remember, this is a case of a person who has become stubbornly resistant to the gospel, which means he has rejected previous attempts, initial attempts, some of those initial attempts to reach him with the gospel when we have come from his wife. Doesn't mean you should never witness to an unsaved husband. By all means, do that if God opens the right opportunity. But if he's resistant to that and you see him getting harder, then you need to back off the talk and live the walk. You need to make sure your life is consistent and godly. That's what Peter's saying. The solution is a godly, consistent Christian life. Focus on that. You say, okay, John, I understand that, but what does that look like? What do you mean? Godly, consistent Christian life. That sounds great. What does it mean? What does it look like? What am I actually supposed to do? I'm thankful, Peter doesn't leave us with verse 1. He gives us the specifics. And he talks very plainly about what it means to live a godly, consistent Christian life in the context of an unequal yoke, an unbelieving husband. First of all, it means submission. Verse 1, wives in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands. That's the first specific he gives in this godly, consistent Christian lifestyle. Now, I would remind you of earlier material that we have covered messages I've preached in this series on a wife respecting her husband, part of which means to be submissive to her husband. I just would remind you without going over that same ground, would remind you that it doesn't mean slavery, it doesn't mean silence, it doesn't mean you're inferior in any way, doesn't mean that you subject yourself to abuse, it doesn't mean you just sit in the corner, meet the smile and fold your hands and agree to everything, it doesn't mean that, that's not submission. What it does mean is you respect your husband. It means that you recognize the god-given position of leadership that he has in the home and you support him in that. It means that you do whatever you can to help him in that, which may mean at times you have a sit down with him and say, I think we're looking at this wrong. Would you listen to me for a little bit? That's not a breach of submission. Done in the right spirit, that can be a very supportive and helpful part of submission. Here's the danger. Here's a reason why I believe Peter focuses on this, in this situation. The danger when a wife becomes a believer and her husband is not, is that she begins to feel like she should take the leadership in the home. Why? Because she's saved. If anybody's going to find out what God's will is for this home, it's going to be me, right? I'm the believer. So I have the hotline to God. I'm the conduit now for God leading our home, right? Wrong. As strange as it may seem, God still will hold your husband responsible for the direction of your home and you responsible for how you respond. And whether or not you respect his leadership, you say, well, I don't believe that's the way it should work. I'm the believer. I learned what God says through his word, right? Do you believe that God is strong enough to bless and lead your home in spite of you? Surely he is. Without you taking over the role that he's designed for your husband, surely he's big enough to do that. So be careful. Now here's a question that often comes up in this regard. What do I do if my husband is now asking me or trying to force me to do things that are biblically wrong? It might have be submissive to that. What if he still wants to go to the bar every Friday night and just drink it up? What am I supposed to do now that I'm a believer? That's a difficult, that's a difficult question. And what I have through the years tried to tell wives in that situation to do is this. Find out what your husband is really looking for. Is he looking for companionship? Is he looking for time together? What is the basic need underlying his request? Graciously, lovingly offer to meet that same need in a different way. If he insists that you get drunk tonight together, then you're going to have to say no because God is a higher authority. But you can do that in a loving and gracious and submissive spirit all the while seeking to figure out what is it that you really need from me? I want to give that to you, but I want to do it in a right way. Maybe in a little different way than we've been used to, but I still want to give you time, companionship, love, support, fun. Try to approach it that way. But submission is the first part of the response. Secondly, the specific response is this. First, too, moral purity. Moral purity. Notice how Peter says it. Any of them do not believe the word, verse 1, they may be one over without words by the behavior of their wives and he specifies what that means in verse 2, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. There's a kind of a two sided coin here. Purity and reverence. The purity has to do with your relationship with your husband. That your behavior needs to be above reproach. That you should never give him any reason to suspect you're going to be unfaithful to him. And remember one of the things he may be thinking is she's going to this church down, seeing all these men over there and they like the same thing she does. Maybe she's setting me up for going and leaving and getting someone else. Don't ever give her any reason to suspect that. Make sure that your life is pure in the sense that you maintain faithfulness to him and you communicate that with every way that you possibly can. Your habits, your speech, your actions, everything should communicate. I'm still committed to you. I love you. You're the only person for me. You should communicate that very clearly. That's purity. But then he couples that with reverence and reverence has to do with our respect and all toward God. Not necessarily just the mate. It may include that in dozen other places. But the idea of moral purity is coupled with the fact like Joseph said in Genesis 39, how could I do this great sin against God? And so that coupling that two-sided coin of purity toward your husband and respect for the holiness of God will keep you morally pure. You see, your husband wants to see if you're newfound faith, your commitment to Christ and you may not even know how to say it in those words, but he wants to see is it real? Does Jesus make a difference in the kind of wife you are, kind of mother you are, kind of woman you are? Is it real or is it just something you put on on Sunday? If that's the case, it's no better than the Garden Club. He wants to know is it real. Moral purity will be a strong case to help him see it's real. But then the third specific is this inner beauty, inner beauty, notice verse four, verse three, excuse me, your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. So Peter says, focus on inner beauty. Now, I know that can be misunderstood. One guy said, I'm tired of all this talk about beauty being skin deep. What are you looking for anyway? An adorable pancreas? I've seen some pancreas and other internal organs, not because I've operated on you, but everything like that, such a reminder these. But often when you go into the hospital and visit the folks, if there's been a surgery done here, they want to show you the picture. And sometimes surgeons have taken pictures of the organ they removed or other things that were in there and kind of show you what's involved. And I've seen a few and they're ugly. They're all ugly. There is no such thing as a pretty kid in the liver or pancreas. It's just ugly. But that's not the point. The point is not outside versus inside organs or what you look like on the beneath the skin. The point is what's in your heart? The purity and the inner beauty that Peter is talking about is as he describes the inner self. So he says, don't let your adorning be elaborate hairstyles wearing a gold jewelry or fine clothes. And again, this has been misunderstood by some people to indicate that believers should live what's called a plain life. And the whole concept of plain comes from this passage that you should not fix up your hair. You shouldn't wear any jewelry and you shouldn't wear colorful clothing or stylish clothing. That is not at all what Peter is talking about. The key to understanding this is the word adornment. You see what he says there in verse three? Your beauty should not come from outward adornment. In other words, the only thing that adorns you should not be the outward. The word adornment is a word which means to place in order or to decorate. We get that idea at this time of year, right? Because we decorate our homes at Christmas time. Now, if you're going to decorate your home for Christmas time, what do you do? Make sure that relationships are good on the inside and everybody's happy with each other. Not if you're going to win the neighborhood contest. You're going to put up some lights and stuff out in the yard and stuff on the roof and all that kind of stuff. You decorate, you adorn your home. The idea is that which draws attention to your house. Obviously, or in this case, what draws attention to you as a person? If the only thing you have going for you, if the only thing that makes people notice you is an elaborate hairstyle or the jewelry you wear or the fine clothes you wear. There's nothing wrong with any of those things. Nothing wrong with a nice up-to-date elaborate hairstyle, nothing wrong with jewelry or fine clothing, nothing wrong with those. Peter's point is that all you have that people notice you for? If that's all people notice about you, the emphasis is on the wrong thing. And particularly in your marriage, if you are married to an unsaved person, the emphasis of your life needs to be on the inner person. That's what should attract people to you. That's what you need to put in order. That's what you need to decorate. The inner person, and even tells it a little more specifically, spells it out in verse 4. Rather it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty. This is beauty that will never fade away with time. But you don't have to have surgeries to fix up or cosmetics to cover or anything like that. And I've said too much already on that. This is an unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Gentle and quiet spirit. Gentle is a word sometimes translated meek. More often in the in-aviet's translated gentle. And it carries a lot of weight. It is one of the in almost all of the lists of spiritual qualities that Paul and others list. This one will be found there. Gentleness or meekness is not some kind of shy backwardness that just lets anything happen or anybody run over you. It doesn't mean that. That's what people often think it is. Actually it is a deep source of inner strength. It doesn't have anything to do with fear or backing off. Meekness basically means that you can accept God's dealings with you. That you can accept life's circumstances with a quiet strong resolve. That God is in control. He will take care of things so that you don't strike back at someone. You don't respond in kind. You don't burst out with anger. You don't try to get even with people. You don't try to give them a dose of their own medicine. None of those responses fit meekness or gentleness. Gentleness has the strength to say, I believe that God is sovereign. He is in control of what happens in my life. And I'll do all that I can to make this situation right. But when it's beyond what I can do, I'll leave it in the hands of God and I'm content. And he will work it out. He will. Even if it's not till eternity, when it happens, he will set the record straight. That is meekness. That's gentleness. It's a biblical quality that is listed over and over and over again as I say, but one which is greatly misunderstood. And in all of our lives, including mine, sorely needed and to sell them practiced. Gentleness, meekness. What Peter is saying is work on that spirit. Because you're going to find yourself when you're in an unequal yoke, you're going to find yourself probably the butt of some jokes. You're going to find yourself being criticized. You're going to find yourself being misunderstood. You're going to find your motives called into question. You're going to find a lot of things said to you about angrily, about why you're going to church and why you're going to deal with that. Peter says work on that meekness, work on that quiet spirit. That's an unfading beauty. And what he's saying is that's what will attract people to you. Not just your clothes and your hair style and all the rest, but when they see that kind of spirit inside, that will attract people to you. And he goes on to say a couple of examples or give some examples here in verse five. Well, this is the way the holy woman of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands like Sarah, by the way, verse six, my life verse. Like Sarah who obeyed Abraham and called him her Lord, my life verse. You are her daughters. If you do what is right, do not give way to fear. No, seriously, there's simply a term of respect and New Testament times it meant not only Lord, it meant sir. And it just simply is indicating that Sarah treated her husband with respect. We've talked about that before. And that's all he's talking about. The women of old lived like this. They lived with cultivating the inner person and making that beautiful and being meek and quiet and gentle in their response to difficulty. And when you're provoked that you respond with gentleness, that's what he's talking about. And when you do that, you become irresistible as a beauty on the inside, on the inside. You see, Peter's point basically is this it is difficult for any unbeliever to resist this lifestyle. Difficult for any unbeliever to resist this lifestyle. He or she may resist this lifestyle. I'm not saying if they do is all your fault, but it's difficult for an unbeliever to resist this lifestyle. And by the way, that applies across the board, friends. Certainly this passage is directed specifically to a believing wife and an unbelieving husband. But flip it and it can also apply the other way a believing husband with an unbelieving wife. What do you need to work on in that case? Work on the inner man. Work on how you talk to her. Work on how you treat her. Work on how you show your love for her. Those inner qualities that will make you attractive to her. It also it also speaks to all of us as witnesses for Christ. Because all of us face people who may be resistant to the word. Who may have heard the gospel know the Bible to some extent or may have heard a verbal testimony, but they are stubbornly resistant to that. I think these principles speak to all of us in that way that what we need to be working on then is the lifestyle. Work on how do I serve them? How do I help them? How do I show love to them? How do I become Christ to them in the way I reach out to them? Work on that part of it. Back off the words for a while. Back off the tracks for a while. Back off the pressure. Start working on your own lifestyle. Work on how you show love to those people. We have lived in our current neighborhood before years in March. When we moved in we decided we wanted to make it our mission field and we wanted to reach out to our neighbors. We have several neighbors around us. A number of whom we know are not believers. Some of them are believers. Not many of them though. We have done various things to reach out to them. They know I am a preacher. I have really backed off the words. When there has been an occasion I have done that. But really backed off the words. It is things like snow removal and things like that that speak louder than words normally do. Or just the way you keep your own yard and the neighbors appreciate that. Those kind of things speak more loudly. I will give Jeannie credit for this. This doesn't have anything to do with me. Just recently in the last couple of weeks Jeannie baked loaves of bread, sourdough bread and took them to all of our neighbors. Nine of them. We have already had three of them come over and initiate contact with us back. One of them was a family that had never ever spoken to us. We would wave to them across the street and when we drive out of our driveway and never even to knowledge. Now they have come across to allow us to establish some contact. Another couple got burned in a bad church situation. Interestingly enough it is a believing wife and an unbelieving husband. Because they were burned so badly the unbelieving husband said I will never ever go to church the rest of my life. And he hasn't. And now he is living next to a preacher. And you know what he is thinking? You know what he is thinking. He is going to try to get me to go church. I have never said one thing about church except inviting him to come to the men's breakfast. And he is that close to coming. But I have done a lot of things to reach out to him. Jeannie has done a lot to be in their home and take things to them. And we are seeing an openness now. Why? Because we are great testimonies. No, no. Simply because God somehow has gotten through to us that when people are resistant, you back off the words and you show it through the way you serve them and the way you love them. You see what Peter is telling believing wives here applies to all of us. In the way we respond to people who are opposed to the gospel and maybe resistant to the gospel is that we need to take a different approach. We need to show love and compassion and help and serve and be there when things are needed and when hurts are there. And God will use that to make you attractive to those people in your life. Would you bow with me in prayer? Father, help us to be attractive to others. Help us to adorn our lives, to put our lives in order and to decorate them with inner beauty, with the kind of responses to being provoked that are gentle and quiet. With the kind of purity, consistent, godly living that speaks loudly of Jesus making a significant difference in our lives. And so help us to reach out to unbelieving husbands in that way, to unbelieving wives in that way, to unbelieving neighbors in that way. And may we be better witnesses for you so that somewhere along the line someone will come with the word and it will find fertile soil. Soil that has been tilled and prepared with acts of kindness and service. Help us to take your word and live it. Better this year than we have in the past. We ask in Jesus' name Amen.