How to Defeat an Enemy

A man was seeking from the bank he had done business with for many, many years alone to take a six month trip to Europe. And his bank for an unknown reason turned him down and did not give him the loan for that trip. So he went to another bank in town, had no trouble securing the loan. But before he left on his six month trip to Europe, he bought five pounds of fish, wrapped him carefully and placed them in his safe deposit box at the first bank. Dealing with people who have heard us or who in our minds have wronged us is one of the most difficult situations that we face in life. One of the most difficult things you will ever go through is when someone mistreats you, when someone says or does something. It's a situation we all face. Maybe you have been betrayed by someone. Maybe someone has done something or said something that was absolutely wrong and unfair and unjust. And there was no way you could defend yourself. Maybe it was an outright lie or maybe just an insinuation. Maybe they didn't have all the facts and know everything about the circumstances and they misrepresented you. Maybe it was a criticism. That was unfair. Maybe it was a put down that really the motive was to make them look better and to put you a little further down the totem pole. Whatever it was, you've been hurt. Something has been done to wound you deeply. Now, how do you respond to that? What do you do with that? Usually, that brings out the very worst in us. Usually we respond with anger, with resentment and bitterness as we allow that anger to deepen and grow and take root in our spirit. Sometimes we respond with a defensiveness to set the record straight and make sure people understand we weren't wrong. In Romans chapter 12, we find that God gives us an entirely different standard for how to respond in those circumstances. For the last three weeks, we've been in Romans 12 and we've found that as Paul turns a corner and talks about the practical outworking of our righteousness, the righteousness that he is so graciously given to us and is growing in us as we walk with him and become more like Christ. The outworking of this righteousness, first of all, we saw was to be an all-out, all surrendered sacrifice to him, that were to be transformed and renewed to be more like Christ constantly. And then we saw that means we're to serve in the context of the local church, finding our place of service and giftedness. We also saw that it means as we deal with each other in the church that were to respond to one another with grace. Today we finish chapter 12 by looking at what it means to respond to anyone, maybe someone outside the family of God, someone outside the circle of faith who has wronged us deeply. How do we respond? What standard are we called to? Share yourself this morning because what you're going to hear from Paul goes against everything in our nature. What Paul is going to tell us under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit goes against all of the ingrained reflexes that we have about how to handle these kind of situations. What we're going to find this morning is the absolute opposite of what we've been conditioned by this world to do in these situations. And what we ourselves feel like is right to do, it's like Proverbs says there is a way which seems right to a man, but the end there is a way of death. We're going to see an example of that this morning in God's standard for how we deal with an enemy, someone who has made himself or made herself your enemy over a wrong that has been done to you. How do you respond to that? What do you do? What do you do? I warn you, this takes supernatural strength to even listen to, much less put into practice. This will take a measure of God's grace and strength to live out like maybe we have never known before. It will take spirit-controlled responses of your actions and your words to do this. Now, before we jump in to what Paul says in Romans 12 about how to deal with an enemy, I want to make a couple of things very clear. A couple of questions that often surfaced when this passage is read or taught. First of all, this passage does not speak to human government. This is not a passage that teaches pacifism as is often used for. This doesn't even deal with the defense policies of nations. This is talking about individuals, talking about us as believers and how we respond to personal affronts that we encounter in life. I should also probably say because this question also often comes up. This passage is not saying that we should not defend ourselves or our family against the physical attack. This passage is not talking about protection, it's talking about retaliation. It's talking about personal affronts and offenses committed against me or against you. How do we respond to that? What do we do? What do we say? We deal. What do we do to that person? Here's the standard. Paul is going to say to us, we must have a threefold response to those who harm us, to those who hurt us in that way, to those who become, because of their own actions or words, for a period of time at least, our enemy. The first response is a response of peace. Are you with me? Romans 12, look at verse 17. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody if it is possible as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. A response of peace. What does that look like? What does that sound like when someone has hurt us, done something against us? What does it mean to have a response of peace? We'll pause this. First of all, in verse 17, it means don't retaliate. Do not retaliate against that person. He says, do not repay. In other words, pay back to someone evil for evil. Someone has done you evil. You are not to retaliate. You are not to pay them back the equivalent of what they have given you. That's our natural response. When we've been hurt, when we've been wronged, our natural response is we want someone else to feel just like we did. We want someone else to have happened to them the same thing that happened to us. One man called a neighbor at three o'clock in the morning and said, I cannot sleep because of your barking dog. Will you do something about your dog? Click. Three o'clock in the morning. The next night that man got a call back from his neighbor, three o'clock in the morning. His neighbor said, I don't have a dog. Click. Ah, boy, that feels good, doesn't it? Ah, got him. He feels the same way I felt last night. He knows what it's like. That's our natural response. To pay back evil for evil. Do you see that Paul is saying not to do that? Do not. Give someone else what they've given you if it's been evil. Don't retaliate. Don't seek revenge. And even when we're not able to actually do that and kind of stick it to the person that stuck it to us, even if we're not able to do that, if someone has hurt us, we will find out weaknesses that they have and we'll begin to talk about those to other people. We'll begin to promote those to other people. We'll begin to make them look smaller in other people's eyes. Paul is saying, do not retaliate. God is asking, is a higher standard? He is asking that we do not do the same toward others as the evil that has been done toward us, that we not lower ourselves to the level of giving back evil when we've been treated wrongly. High standard. I'll be the first to admit, one of the most difficult things in life to do is obey this principle of Scripture. Do not retaliate. The peaceable response also means Paul says, think first. Do not retaliate and then think first. See what he says there in verse 17, do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. Interesting expression, be careful to do what is right. The verb be careful to do literally means to think ahead of time. To prepare your mind ahead of time, take thought in advance and what you should be thinking in advance is to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. Now that doesn't mean that the world sets the standard of right. That's not what the verse means. It means that we should do what we know is right, what is God honoring, what God's word says for the sake of our testimony in other people's eyes. We will only use this expression, this verbal form in the same way one other time in the New Testament. It's in 2 Corinthians chapter 8 and verse 21. Notice it on the screen. For we are taking pains, Paul says, same verb, same way we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord, but also in the eyes of man. Now in Corinthians, Paul is talking about an offering that's been received from Gentile churches that he is going to deliver to Jerusalem to help suffering saints in Jerusalem who are Jews. And in Paul's mind, this is a very important thing because it helps to cement the bond between Gentile and Jewish segments of the early church. So he sees this as an example of the unity of the early church. It's very important to him, but Paul doesn't just pocket the money from these Gentile churches and take off toward Jerusalem. He gathered several well-tested people around him. One of them was Titus, he tells the Corinthians. And then there were at least three other people whom Paul had on this team who would be above board and responsible to handle this gift in a way that nobody could question. In other words, what we're doing is we're thinking ahead, we're taking pains, Paul says, to do what's right, not only in the eyes of the Lord. That's not the question, but the question is how are other people going to view this? Now go back in Romans 12, what Paul's saying there is this is a matter of personal hurt. And he says, when we're hurt personally, rather than just the first response we think of, what wants to come out of our mouth, think first, think first. You know, it's the old saying, put your brain in gear before your mouth starts running. Think first, back up, think about what you're going to say and prepare in your heart a response that will be God honoring for your testimony. That's what he's saying to do. So a peaceable response, a responsive peace, means that we don't retaliate, we think first, but Paul also says, and this is the real point in verse 18, it means to be peaceable. Verse 18 says, if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. This is real point. That's where verse 17 has been driving toward is what he says in verse 18. Being peaceable is the opposite of revenge. It's the opposite of taking or retaliating. Being peaceable is what we should think first to do, which is right in the eyes of others for our testimony. It's being peaceable. What does that mean? What does it look like? Well, to be peaceable means in a situation where someone has really cut you to the core, that you say something that defuses the situation, that this arms your critic, that ratchets down the intensity, so that it's not going back and forth after each other. But you say something that kind of defuses the whole situation, something kind, something gracious. It means that you say something good, that you use soothing words rather than angry words. It means that you find what you can agree with. It means that you talk about what's good about that person to others, not what's bad about them. It means that you purposely seek to stop the conflict now so that it doesn't go any further. That's what it means to be peaceable. And our approach to others is so important in this. If we approach other people like, okay, I see a weakness, I'm going to go for the jugular, I'm really going to make them look bad, then we're not being peaceable. If we criticize, if we drive our point home with the kind of force that is using a sledge hammer to drive in a thumbtack, we're not being peaceable. If we look at another person and we overpower them with our argument, with our words, with our correctness, we're not being peaceable. So Paul says, whatever it takes, do what will defuse the situation, do what will bring peace to the situation, not what will escalate the anger and the contention between you. Somebody's got to be the person to step up and say, this will not go any further. I will not respond to you like you're responding to me. I will treat you with grace. I will treat you with peace. Somebody has to do that. And it ought to be us, it ought to be the believer who does that. A response of peace. Now please notice the qualifiers. Paul says there in verse 18, if it is possible because sometimes it's not possible to live at peace with everyone because no matter what effort you may take, no matter what olive branch you may extend, the other person's not going to receive it. And they're just going to want to keep fighting. So it may not be possible further to be a peaceable full restoration of the relationship with you that with that person. But as far as it depends on you, Paul says, you should not be the one stirring the pot more. You should not be the one continuing the fight or the argument. You should be the one putting it to rest. The other person will do whatever they're going to do. And you cannot change that. And if it's possible, as far as it depends on you, be it peace with all people. So a response of peace. And then Paul says, secondly, we must have a response of trust. When people have heard us about what they've said or done, our response is to be one of trust. Now look at what that means, verse 19. Paul says, do not take revenge, my friends. But leave room for God's wrath, for it is written that is mine to avenge. I will repay, says the Lord. What does it mean to trust God in circumstances like this? Well, it means first of all, do not take revenge. Does that sound familiar? Do not retaliate, verse 17, verse 19, he says, do not take revenge. And in other words, again, don't fight back. Don't give that person a dose of their own medicine. I read about a Korean service, a US service couple who were stationed in Korea. And they had a Korean houseboy that would help them with chores and responsibilities around the house. And they were constantly playing practical jokes on that boy. They would nail his shoes to the floor. So you know, in, in, in, in, in a culture, you take your shoes off when you go in, when you go back to slip your foot in them, take off, they were stuck to the floor. But this boy would just take the nails out, put his shoes on and go on. They would put grease on the stove handles. But they noticed that after his hand slipped off and he kind of cleaned the mess up, you know, he just smiled and went on his way. They would put buckets of water over partially open doors. Some of you have done that, haven't you? So that when he would go through the door, he would get doused. And he would just dry himself off and continue whistling a happy tune and go on about his way. Well, after a while, they got a little feeling guilty about what they were doing. And so they, they went to him and they said, okay, we're, we're not going to play any more practical jokes on you. We're done with that. We're sorry. We apologize. We feel bad about that. And he looked at them and he said, no more nails and shoes. They said, no, no, we won't do that anymore. No more grease on handles. No, no, we won't promise we won't do that anymore. No more water over the door. No, no, we promise. That's, that's what we won't do that. He smiled and he said, okay, no more spit in your soup. Oh, it doesn't feel good to be able to say that. It doesn't feel good to be able to get back at someone and them not even know it's happening. Wow, you talk about sweet revenge. God is telling us, I hold you to a higher standard than that. He's saying, do not take revenge. But on the other hand, a response of trust literally trusts God to do what's right. You see it there in verse 19? Do not take revenge, my friends, but here it is, leave room for God's wrath. In other words, just entrust the whole matter to God. Leave room for him to do whatever he wants to do. Leave room for his wrath. As notice what he has said, it is written, and Paul quotes from Deuteronomy chapter 32, it is mine to avenge, I will repay, says the Lord. You see, it is God's business to take care of wrongs. It is God's business to take care of revenge or to avenge or wrong and vindicate you. That's his business. It's not ours. I know that's hard to hear. I know this because it's hard for me to live. But that's what God says. Leave it with me. I am able, and he says, I will, I will do the proper thing. If vindication is needed, I'll do that. If vengeance is needed, if there is some wrong done that needs to be punished, I will take care of that, God says. When you trust him to do that, what is it that you are still hanging on to? What is it that you are still gripping with all of the ferocity in your soul that you will not let go? Something that someone may have said to you 20 years ago? Some deep hurt that someone may have committed against you 15 years ago, and you are still hanging on to it. You still want to see them get what's due. If there is any way you can be a part of that, you love to. Paul saying, and God says, give that up. Let it go. Because I will take care of that. Can you trust God to do that? Can you trust him to do that? He will either judge that person in his time and his way if there has been wrong committed. Or, he may well bring that person to a sense of what they have done, maybe even through your response, and bring them to a place of repentance. If you never see that, this side of heaven, all records are made right there. So God will take care of it, one way or the other. You don't need to take that in your hands. God will take care of that. He says he will. Trust God to do that. He says, okay, all right, I know I need to trust God to do this. I can't wait to see him do it. Be careful here. We are on a real tricky ground here. Be careful about your attitude with this. Because you can commit something to God and you can say, okay, I will leave it up to him. But like Jonah, you know the Old Testament, when he got finished delivering the message to Nineveh, what did he do? He went outside the city in chapter 4 of Jonah and he stayed there hoping, hoping that God would judge the city of Nineveh. I want to see it when it happens, man. I want to see the fire come down from heaven. Be careful about your attitude. Jesus, the Bible says, gave us an example in this very issue. Look at how Peter describes it in first Peter chapter 2. Peter says, for this you were called, and a whole book of first Peter is about suffering. It's written to suffering believers. He says, for this you were called, to this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leading you an example that you should follow in these steps. Now, I want to make it very clear and Peter will make it very clear also in verse 24 and 25. The main reason Jesus died was not for an example. The purpose for Jesus' death was to pay for your sin and for mine. So that we might be forgiven, we might be restored to relationship with God, become his child and have an eternity with him in heaven. That's the reason Jesus died. But the way that he died leaves us an example on another level. And here's what Peter says. He says, he committed no sin and no deceit was found in his mouth. In other words, Jesus did nothing to be punished for. He was not guilty of anything. When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate. When he suffered, and remember this is unjustly, that he suffered, when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. There it is, right at the end of the verse. What did he do? He trusted God. He entrusted himself, if there's going to be any vindication of him, God will have to do it. I mean, there are people mocking him. There are people saying, if you really who you say you are, if you're really the son of God, come down from across and save yourself. You said you could save others. Save yourself. Let's see you in action here. I thought so. You're not doing anything. You can't. I mean, there are all kinds of accusations coming at Jesus while he's dying on the cross for you and for me. And he offered no threats. And he did not retaliate when the Bible says there were 72,000 angels waiting, perched at heaven's door, ready to come, take him out of that situation and judge his enemies right there if he had called on them. 72,000, 12 legions of angels, the Bible says, but he never did that. What was Jesus' attitude toward those who unjustly placed him on the cross? What did he say? You know it, don't you? Father, forgive them. I'm leaving it up to you, Father. My vindication, who I am, which is being called into question here, I'll leave that up to you. Forgive them. My spirit is forgiveness, not retaliation. So that's what it means to trust God. And Jesus has given us the example of what it means to trust God when we've been hurt. A response of trust is what he's asking of us. But that's not all. And this is where it really gets tough. If it hadn't been tough enough already, a response of peace, a response of trust, a blessing God, but a response of kindness, a response of kindness is required if we're to live up to the high standard that God gives us and how to deal with an enemy. Someone who has, for a period of time, maybe made himself or herself your enemy, a response of kindness. Notice the acts of kindness that Paul addresses in verse 20. He says, on the contrary, in other words, rather than retaliating, getting revenge on the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink. Now, this is where it moves from just a passive response of being peaceable and not retaliating, not giving revenge to an actual positive response that is required of us, that if my enemy, if the one who's done me wrong, said that against me or about me, put me in that kind of position. If my enemy has a need, I'm to meet it. If he's hungry, I'm to feed him. If he's thirsty, she's thirsty, I'm to give her drink. That one who may have made herself my enemy, I am to actively respond in kindness. If I feel that I must do something toward them to repay them, then repay them with kindness. High standard. High standard. This is why I said, only God's grace and the strength of His Spirit can enable us to respond in this way. Notice if you will, the results of that kindness. Paul says, first of all, there's a result on your enemy. If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he's thirsty, give him something to drink. Here's the result. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. You say, what is that about? Heat burning coals on his head. Actually, this is a quote from the Old Testament, from a proverb, Proverbs 25, verses 21 and 22. So it refers back to a custom in the ancient Near East, where if someone's fire without, you would take a pan of some kind, take it to your neighbor and get some life coals from your neighbor to go back and jump start your fire. Get it started back up again. What if that neighbor who comes to you, because his fire has gone out, has been the one who said something about you that was unkind, did something that really hurt you, took advantage of you, what if that neighbor has been the one who hurt you? What the Bible is saying is that we are to give not just grudgingly, but we're to give an extra measure, giving more coals than he needs to start his fire back. In other words, an act of kindness is not just a begrudging kindness, but a generous kindness, generous kindness. Now, I know what some of you are thinking. I can see it on your faces. Yeah, but it says I can put it on his head. You know, I can dump the coals on his head. Well, that's a figure of speech, which again was used in the Old Testament world to indicate the feeling of shame and embarrassment that you will cause that person. You know how you feel when you ashamed of something you've done or you're embarrassed about something, how your face gets kind of flushed and you feel like you're on fire there. That's the figure of speech here. The metaphor is by your action of kindness, you may well bring a response of shame, embarrassment, even recognition of the wrong that person has done to you and repentance. You say, well, John, I've been doing that for years and I haven't seen any shame on the part of that other person. Give God room. You know, God dealt with Israel 800 years before he judged them. Give God room to work. And remember, this is a proverb. It's a general saying that's true about life. There are exceptions. You may never see that person ashamed of his or her responses. But again, that's God's job. That's God's job. You leave that up to him. But what Paul is saying is in a proverbial form, if you act in kindness, you may well cause them shame that will cause them to respond back to you in repentance. That's exactly what happened to David and Saul in the Old Testament. You'll recall that before David became king, God had already indicated he was to be the next king and Saul's kingdom was over. But Saul was still alive and he was still on the throne. He was chasing David all over the Judean wilderness to try to kill him. And David was hiding in caves and running from Saul. On one occasion, David and his men were hiding in a cave and they recognized that Saul was coming into the cave alone. David has about 600 men with him. They pushed themselves further back into the darkness of the cave and his men are saying to David, David, this is your chance. He's trying to kill you. He deserves to be killed himself. We know you're supposed to be the king. Take him out. And David says, I will not touch him. He is God's anointed as long as he's alive and he's on the throne. That's God's job. I will not touch him. And so you remember, David went up to where Saul had laid his robe to the side and cut off a corner of his robe in the darkness. And when Saul picked up his robe and left the cave, David gave him a little time to get far enough away from the cave and then he went out to the mouth of the cave and said, Saul, Saul, why are you hunting me like a dog? Why are you trying to kill me? I will not touch you because you are God's anointed for this position. I will not touch you. I leave that up to God to pay back evil for what you've done to me. He said those very words. And the Bible says that Saul looked back up at the mouth of that cave and Saul, David, and he began to weep and he said, David, is that you, my son, David? You have paid me back good when all I did was evil to you. And with weeping voice, Saul said, I know you will be the king. I know the kingdom will be yours. Because Saul was so tormented in his own spirit, that was only a temporary repentance. He would go after David again. But David's response on that occasion did bring shame and embarrassment to Saul for what he had done. You see, the response of your enemy may well be that God will use your very kindness to bring them to a place of shame, regret, and even repentance. But whether or not you ever see that happen, God is calling you to let it go, give it to him, let him take care of whatever needs to be taken care of, and trust him for it. And then when you have opportunity, be kind. Do acts of kindness to the person who's hurt you. But there's also a response and a reaction on you, a result of this kindness on you, not only your enemy, but on you. Verse 21 says it this way, do not overcome, do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. When you give in to revenge, you are overcome with evil. The same evil that was done to you and you're doing back to them, you know, as parents, what we always tell our kids, it's going to hurt you if you continue to do this. It's going to hurt you more than you're hurting them. You talk bad about your offense, it's going to hurt you more than it hurts them. And that's exactly what Paul's saying. And evil that you are responding with will eventually consume you. I remember a man in a church I pastored in Florida. He had been swindled in a large land deal, and he had been treated wrongly. But he got bitter. He could not let it go. Every time you would visit with him, every time you'd talk with him, it would come up, and he would talk about how he was treated wrong, and how he was hurt. You could just see the bitterness and the shape of his mouth and his eyes. And pretty soon his health began to deteriorate. He went into the hospital, the doctors ran all kinds of tests. They couldn't find anything physically wrong with Mr. Bach. A few weeks later, he died. I'm convinced to this day that it was his own bitterness and resentment that ate him up from the inside out. There was no physical reason for what happened to him. If you do not respond to these kinds of hurts in the way God teaches us to, then you will be overcome by evil, your own evil, and your response. But if you respond the way God tells you to, then you will last part of the verse, overcome evil with good. The way to overcome what's been done to you is to respond with peace and trust and kindness. And then God says, that will overcome the evil. As we've seen, you have a very good possibility of seeing your enemy no longer be your enemy. Say, really? Yeah, again, remember that person may never become your best friend. They have a responsibility too. They may never restore the relationship, but they are no longer your enemy. In your heart, in your spirit, they have been released to God. They're no longer an enemy to you. You have just defeated your enemy. He may not know it. She may not realize it. But they're gone in your heart as far as an enemy is concerned. And it's left up to God for him to deal with. A few years ago, National Geographic ran an article about an archaeological find of two saber-tooth tigers whose fossil remains were found locked in mortal combat. And what had evidently happened is one of the tigers had clenched his teeth deep into the leg, muscle and bone of the other one. And his teeth got stuck in the bone and muscle and tendon structure. And he could not disengage himself from his enemy. And both of them died as they grappled to get apart from each other. It's exactly what Paul is talking about here. If you bite back, you lose. If on the other hand, you have a response of peace, trust and kindness, then you defeat your enemy. He or she is no longer your enemy. It's up to God to deal with them now. And they are released from any obligation on your part or theirs to make things right. You've just defeated your enemy. Let's pray together. Father, you have called us to a high standard higher than we're able to in our own strength to live out. So, Father, I pray for your spirits enabling for all of us today. I know there are many in this room who are hurting right now because of things that have been said or done to them in the past. And they've never been able to let it go. It's destroying them. Father, I pray for each of us the enablement of your spirit to respond with peace, to respond with trust in you and to respond with kindness. And in so doing, we will not have an enemy any longer. May we follow the example of Jesus and how He responded. And so become more like Him. We ask it in His name. Amen.